home Audience 2 Cannot fully help a person. How to help a loved one without imposing your beliefs. How to recognize dementia in its early stages

Cannot fully help a person. How to help a loved one without imposing your beliefs. How to recognize dementia in its early stages

What to do if a relative or friend is experiencing difficulties or a life crisis? How to find the right words to console and express sympathy? How to offer help without scaring away? Many of us have had to look for answers to these questions at one time or another in our lives.

One Buddhist legend tells of a young woman who was so grieved over her dead young son that she would not allow his body to be buried. Clutching her precious burden, she appeared to the wise and compassionate Buddha and begged him to help. Buddha agreed on one condition. She was to go to the nearest village and return with a mustard seed taken from a house that death had never visited. The woman agreed, but, unable to find any such house, that same night she returned to the Buddha empty-handed. This is how she learned that problems and sadness come with life.

We all face life crises and losses. Sooner or later we learn how to cope with them, how to survive them and how to restore our strength. Over time, we begin to treat various adversities more calmly, realizing that we will be able to survive everything that life throws at us. But what to do if the pain of loss affects a loved one? Other people's suffering can hurt us even more than our own. “My younger sister was recently abandoned by her boyfriend,” a friend shares her experiences. “I just can’t imagine how I can help her and what I can do for her.” She sits in her room, doesn’t go out anywhere and eats almost nothing. Sometimes I just go crazy from powerlessness. I advised her to go to a disco or to the cinema, but she says that she is not interested. If I tell her that it will pass and she will be comforted in time, she screams that I don’t understand her.”

People suffer for similar reasons. And the feelings of those around you are very similar - usually powerlessness and despair. The mistakes they make in such a situation are no less similar. Let's look at what most often causes rejection and reluctance to accept our help, and why it turns out that our efforts only worsen the problem.

Mistakes we make

False understanding

The phrase that a person experiencing certain problems hears most often is: “I understand you.” You may feel like this is the best way to offer support and sympathy. But often these words cause the greatest internal protest, and in response to them you risk hearing: “You don’t understand anything!” Each of us, deep down in our souls, believes that his experience and his feelings are unique, that he is the first and only person in the world who experiences this. When you say that you understand someone's experiences, it can be perceived as an attempt to invalidate them.

Excessive concern

Sometimes we overload the person experiencing the problem with our care, anxiety, and advice. Loneliness is necessary to restore psychological strength. If you feel that every word you say is met with hostility, that the one you want to help is not ready to hear you, perhaps you should just leave him alone.

Complaining and getting stuck on a problem

Many people who have experienced loss or crisis say that what bothered them most was the outright pity of others. “When I entered the room,” recalls Christina, who lost her husband in a car accident a year ago, “everyone immediately fell silent.

They didn’t talk to me about fashion or shopping anymore - everyone just expressed their condolences.” Remember that life goes on, support the other’s interest in the world around them. Instead of pity, try to sincerely believe in this person’s ability to cope with the problem - then this confidence will be transferred to him.

The worst thing that close people of a person experiencing a psychological crisis can do is give intrusive advice and drown him in a stream of their own opinions, assessments, and recommendations. “The Council is the smallest coin in circulation,” someone said. It’s easy to give advice, but it’s more difficult to understand that a person must find a way out of his crisis himself and provide support in his independent search.

Excessive responsibility

Often we take on excessive responsibility for the fate of another person and feel guilty for the fact that he suffers. We forget about our own affairs, plans and goals, devoting all our time to trying to change someone else's life. We feel good if we manage to improve his condition even slightly, and are upset if we fail. By and large, we deprive a person of the right to choose his own actions and his own destiny.

How to help?

If all the described actions only bring harm, then what should we do? Is there anything left, and is it possible, in this case, to do anything to help in such a situation? Of course you can. Most people who have experienced certain problems agree that the support of family and friends helped them the most, and often relationships with loved ones were the only source from which they drew strength. Let's look at what you can do.

Share your true feelings sincerely

Try to understand how you really feel about the situation. If you are upset or confused due to the suffering of a loved one, admit it to him and openly ask if you can help in any way. Share your own fears and regrets - sincere feelings on your part will make you want to open up. Share your desire to do something for him - let the other person know that you are nearby. Don't phrase your feelings as a demand to immediately accept your advice and your help - just make it clear that it is available.

Listen (if necessary)

American psychologists conducted an experiment in which a group of people were trained in active listening techniques. After this, several clients of psychological counseling, of their own free will, decided to meet people from this group and tell them about their problems. The “listeners” could only nod their heads and say phrases like: “Yes,” “I understand,” “So.” The instructions prohibited them from asking any questions of patients or discussing their problems. After the conversation, most patients were confident that they had attended a therapeutic session. Listening has a powerful therapeutic effect that you can easily use at home. It is very important to remember that you are not expected to answer the questions: you can help simply by listening to all these questions.

Offer not advice, but company

The advice that a person experiencing a life crisis hears most often is to unwind and get distracted. However, the best help you can give him to actually make the switch is to include him in your activities and plans. If you go to the market to buy groceries, ask him to go with you. If you're going to the theater, buy an extra ticket. Of course, you shouldn’t drag a stubborn person with you by force - perhaps he needs to be alone. In most cases, however, he will be grateful for the opportunity for a change of scenery.

How to protect yourself

No matter how much you want to help, ultimately the outcome of a crisis depends only on who is experiencing it. Understanding this will protect you from becoming immersed in the experiences of another. Remember that although you can help, you should never take responsibility for another life and destiny. Every person has the right to choose and the right to decide for themselves what to do with their life, even if their choice is to grieve and be upset for a while. Remember that it is impossible to fully understand another - and it is also impossible to clearly evaluate his experiences as negative and unwanted. Each person has his own goals, his own aspirations and meaning in life, his own hidden intentions that lie behind his behavior and problems. It may be necessary to go through problematic situations in order to learn something. Maybe this crisis will be the beginning of a new stage in life.

A very common problem that people turn to psychologists with is the question of how to help a loved one get out of depression. The problem is really relevant, because a person who is in a situation, for whom the future does not make sense, and life seems to be complete loneliness, does not have the opportunity to enjoy natural happiness - to be fulfilled in relationships, in society, in the family.

Destruction of one’s own “I” deprives a person of the opportunity to build normal relationships in a team and family, enjoy life and improve his personality. How to help loved ones suffering from unresolved internal problems and a deep state of depression?

Depression is not at the top of the list of psychological problems, but recently there has been an increased increase in the number of patients who are in this condition and are unable to cope. In such cases, doctors of ancient Greece diagnosed “melancholy” and treated patients with herbal enemas, massage and opium tinctures.

Fortunately, modern psychology has moved far from such methods of treatment. Many clinics offer a range of services to help patients recover from depression:

And this is not a complete list of activities carried out to remove the patient from a state of self-flagellation. But the main danger of depression is its ability to be transmitted from one loved one to another. This fact is highlighted in the book Depression Is Contagious by Michael Yapko, an expert on depression. Where do the roots of depression come from and how can you help a loved one get out of a difficult life situation?

The diagnosis of depression is made by psychologists based on three main symptoms present:

anhedonia (loss of opportunity);
pathological orientation of thoughts (discussions about life as a thing devoid of meaning);
lack of desire for any physical activity, coupled with a gloomy mood.

To put it simply, the state of depression can be described as a loss of faith in the best, a loss of the meaning of life, and complete loneliness. Unlike a bad mood, depression has a long course and is stable. The patient perceives this state as complete despair, hopelessness, a path to nowhere.

This pathology is based on quite serious unresolved problems; deep depression can be provoked by any severe factor - the death of a loved one, lack of understanding in the family, divorce, loss of a favorite job, frequent stressful situations.

Each depressive situation has its own history, its own roots and is expressed according to an individual scenario. Some patients withdraw into themselves, do not make contact with loved ones, and stop going to work and school. Others, on the contrary, begin to lead a riotous and violent lifestyle, causing pain not only to themselves, but also to those closest to them. Still others remain silent and demonstrate their suffering to others with their entire appearance.

How to help your loved ones get out of a difficult situation

A person’s admission that he has become depressed is not a way to get rid of a serious condition. And under no circumstances should the situation be left to chance. To get out of a depressed state, you need not only to work long and hard on yourself, but to accept the support of loved ones and relatives.

To support a loved one and help him get out of a depressed state, you need to take several steps so that the depressed person can:

There is no universal advice for all life situations, especially when the degree of depression is defined as severe. You can try to eliminate a mild degree using the methods listed above, but there is a risk of further aggravating the situation if you misunderstand and approach it.

It is necessary to consider the basic advice from psychologists that is given in the most common situations (when people turn to specialists for advice and help).

Husband's depression

How to help a husband get out of depression is a question for many wives who notice radical changes in their husband’s behavior. The complaints boil down to the fact that he increasingly tries to isolate himself and not let anyone near him, and drinks alcohol in large quantities. In the absence of help and attention from the wife, the situation worsens - outbursts of aggression arise in the man, rudeness and assault, rage, and a threat to the life of both his own and his loved ones.

The reason may lie in failures at work, in the sphere of intimate life, or misunderstanding on the part of the spouse. A mild degree of depression can be corrected independently.

What a wife needs to do to get her husband out of depression:

insist on receiving competent treatment for depression;
empathize and listen carefully to your husband’s complaints, no matter how strange they may seem;
do not criticize;
encourage attempts to change yourself and the world around you;
allow the husband to relax in the area that brings him peace and satisfaction - let him go fishing or hunting, to meet old friends.

For some time you will have to sacrifice your own “I”, focusing on the common “WE”. Only then is it possible to resolve the situation and get the husband out of his depressed state. The same advice can be given to women who are not married, but are in a relationship and are asking how to help a man get out of depression.

Wife's depression

Unfortunately, few men turn to psychologists with the question of how to help their wife get out of depression, since most of them simply do not notice their spouse’s depressed state. Men get used to the fact that their wife plays the role of cook, mother and cleaner, forgetting that a woman is also vulnerable to stress.

It has its own reasons - lack of attention from the husband, or, on the contrary, his attempts to keep everything under control, fatigue from everyday problems that have to be solved alone, lack of love and warmth, postpartum psychosis, menopause. There can be many factors, but the result is the same - from a kind, caring mother and wife, a woman turns into an often crying, hysterical and withdrawn person.

Here's how you can help with mild depression:

The danger of home treatment for depression in women is that many men do not fully understand a woman’s true desires and needs. Sometimes just compliments and attention are not enough, which further aggravates the situation and causes the wife to become secluded and withdrawn.

Need for professional help

Many people, before trying to persuade a depressed loved one, try to treat them on their own, using herbal sedatives, aromatherapy and spiritual conversations. Few of these attempts end successfully, but no one is able to predict the outcome of a depressive state (especially the most negative one).

Contacting a psychologist or psychotherapist is a necessary step for people who want to get out of depression themselves and get their loved ones out of this state. Even with professional support and assistance, the process of getting a person out of a withdrawn and depressed state can take months. Needless to say, playing home therapist doesn't always end well.

Anxiety and the natural desire to help a loved one should proceed in the right direction, with the help of the right steps, one of them is a timely contact with a specialist. A friendly pat on the shoulder is unlikely to help a person solve internal problems, and in the worst case, the lack of qualified help can lead to suicide.

Helping family and friends recover from a serious condition

How to help a friend get out of depression, how to help a friend get out of depression - these questions are often asked to specialists by caring comrades, seeing the pathological condition of loved ones.

Emergency measures that can be provided to friends in a difficult situation:

Don’t forget about going to interesting places together and meeting new people. The same advice can be useful for adults who do not know how to help a teenager get out of depression, be it a son, nephew, or just a loved one.

Mother-daughter relationship

This is a special category of relationships, which is usually built on trust and understanding. As mother and daughter grow older, they begin to live their own lives, sometimes far from each other. A lump of unresolved problems can put one of the women into a depressed state, and only the help of a loved one can help:

If there are noticeable signs of severe depression, you should immediately persuade the mother (daughter) to visit a psychologist.

Problems for a loved one

Many young girls are very worried when they notice signs of depression in their partner. The question of how to help a guy get out of depression should be the main step to providing effective help. What you can do yourself:

If a guy is stubborn for a long time, refuses the help of his companion and specialists, claiming that he does not need help, it is worth considering whether it is necessary to maintain such a relationship and wait for changes. After all, getting out of depression is a big job that a person must start on his own, with himself.

You can try to treat mild depression at home, on your own. Books that help you get out of depression can come to the rescue - for example, “Shantaram” by Gregory Davis Roberts, the sage Osho “Life, Love, Laughter”.

If there is a noticeable regression in the condition of a loved one, it is necessary to urgently provide him with qualified assistance in order to preserve his happy life and psychological well-being.

These recommendations are useful both in the initial period, when a woman experiences severe shock from the realization of her dangerous diagnosis, and during treatment and at the rehabilitation stage. Remember that the role of loved ones is very important. Through communication with family and friends, a person can again feel strong, loved, needed and able to win.

The first difficult period - shock phase, when a person finds out that he has a dangerous disease. This phase may be accompanied by anxiety, panic and fear. At this stage, it is important to show your loved ones your readiness to help and not leave you alone with the disease. It’s good if you can visit a doctor with the patient, take tests, and help collect information and documents for treatment.

Then it may come disease denial phase. Patients often delay hospitalization, double-checking the diagnosis and wasting precious time. During this period, sleep disturbances, neurotic conditions, and the return of childhood fears of darkness or loneliness are possible. The only correct position for loved ones is patience, attention, support and accompaniment during visits to the doctor.

By taking aggression upon yourself, you help the sick person’s psyche to free itself from destructive emotions

Then comes aggression phase associated with finding the cause of the disease and identifying the culprits. As a rule, fear is hidden behind all aggressive attacks against doctors and loved ones.

By taking aggression upon yourself, you help the sick person’s psyche to free itself from destructive emotions. It is important to remember that all offensive words do not apply to you personally - they are dictated by fear and severe overexertion. Try to accept this surge of emotions. The patient should not be left alone with his experiences, because aggression that is not splashed out can lead to complications and suicidal thoughts.

Next stage - contract phase. During this period, it is important to maintain the patient’s positive and active mood as much as possible. Remind her of her strengths and how she overcame other challenges.

You cannot pull a person out of this state too quickly: this is a certain phase of mental adaptation to the disease

Depression phase occurs, as a rule, in all seriously ill people. Most often, during this period, a person does not make contact well, stops fighting and avoids friends. In this situation, you can support a person in various ways: silent presence, tactile contact, talking.

It is important to share the patient’s experiences, to show her that she is not alone, that the struggle for her life continues and that they are worried about her. You cannot try to pull a person out of this state too quickly. This is a certain phase of adaptation of the psyche to the disease. But if this condition lasts for a long time, medical support is necessary.

On phase of accepting the disease There is a qualitative restructuring of thinking and a reassessment of values. This is a phase of spiritual growth and normalization of psychological state. At this stage, a person mobilizes all his strength to fight the disease. But the help of loved ones is still important.

Talk about feelings

Denying your negative feelings or those of the patient deprives both parties of the opportunity to reduce internal tension. Explain your feelings, show sincerity and show that you see a strong person in the woman. Communicate openly, do not isolate the patient from the life of her family and loved ones. When a woman is involved in family affairs and provides support to her relatives, she feels more confident.

During the communication process, create conditions so that the patient can share her emotions, fears and difficult feelings with you. Try to understand what is behind the patient’s statements and actions.

As a rule, fear is hidden behind aggression, and the behavior of a “naughty child,” tearfulness or irritability is a signal of exhaustion of the adaptive mechanisms of the psyche. During such a period, you need to give a person time to collect himself and regain strength.

Demonstrate your willingness to overcome all difficulties together

This creates a feeling of security and reduces anxiety. Show sensitivity to the patient’s wishes, offer her options for activities that distract and replenish her strength. Watching movies together, relaxing music, walking in the fresh air, pleasant meetings with friends. If possible, involve a psychologist who can help you get through a difficult period.

Don't indulge too much

And yet, you cannot adapt too much to the patient, infringing on your interests - this reduces the sincerity of the relationship and depletes your strength. Talk about your needs calmly and confidentially. Refuse to comply with impossible requests in advance, explaining your refusal in detail.

Set goals

Plan for the future, set achievable goals. If a person sees real results of his efforts, this restores faith in himself and his capabilities.

Encourage initiative

Support any activity and independent decisions of the patient. Don't try to do everything for her. This way you will only deprive her of the desire to overcome difficulties on her own and fight for herself. Ask what the patient wants and can do herself. Your task is not to save, but to help maintain activity in life and faith in overcoming the disease.

Give moral support

A woman always remains a woman. Give her compliments, notice her improved appearance, increased activity, good mood and any positive changes in her appearance or psychological state.

Avon has long joined the global movement for women's health. The project is designed to remind people how important it is to take care of the health of loved ones, and to draw women’s attention to the need for an annual breast examination. One of the central elements of the campaign was a social video. His heroes are ordinary people who confess their love to each other and once again remind that the best manifestation of this feeling is caring for the health of those who are truly dear to us.

About the expert

Olga Rozhkova- certified psychologist, board member of the Association of Oncopsychologists of Russia, expert of the Avon charity program “Together against breast cancer.”

Often people come to church for the first time when problems begin with their relatives or friends. And then the question inevitably arises: what to do? This question contains pain, hope, love, and despair in one’s own abilities. Of course, the priest will respond and talk and console as best he can, but those who come themselves need to understand some things that are obvious to an Orthodox person, but, alas, not always obvious to most modern people who do not live church life and for the time being do not strive for it .

First, we must understand that if a person in some extreme need rushes to God, then God will not leave him. But this does not mean that the help will be exactly what we expect. For example, someone’s relative ended up in intensive care, his condition is critical... His relatives come to the temple and ask: what to do?! Of course, we must pray, and the Church, in the person of the priest, is the first assistant and participant in this good deed. But we do not know what exactly is useful to a person for the salvation of his soul - illness or health, life or death. Therefore, when we pray for our loved one and ask others to pray, we must know that we are completely committing the person into the hands of God, who alone knows What what a person really needs from the point of view of eternity is what he needs. Of course, we pray specifically for health, for well-being, but we certainly add at the end: “Thy will be done.”

I say this because often people who come to church in some desperate circumstances ask and expect from God that everything will be resolved exactly and only in the way that seems good to those who come. At the same time, we forget that our understanding of good is very relative and is usually associated only with the concepts of everyday, earthly well-being. We care little about the life of the soul, about its eternal fate and salvation. In a word, when we come to church and ask God for good things for our loved ones, we must also have faith that God, who knows, What there is a real good, it will govern exactly in the way that is useful from a spiritual point of view, and not just from an everyday and everyday one. When coming to church and asking God to enter into our lives, into the lives of our loved ones, we must be ready to accept this visit from God, and this requires both determination and faith.

Also, here's what you need to understand. We ask God with pain and extreme zeal for the well-being of our loved one. But many times in Scripture, both the Lord Himself and His disciples tell us that our prayer and its effectiveness directly depend on the way we live - relatively speaking, on how much we ourselves hear and obey the Lord. This is very important to understand! Because in our carelessness, sometimes for years, day after day, hour after hour, we consistently and consciously reject the truth of Christian life, we don’t want to know it, and when trouble happens or a problem arises in our lives or in the lives of our loved ones, this is the consequence of such a gradual and the methodical removal of man from God. And when a person shouts to God: “Help me!” - he, of course, must be firmly aware of his actual position - the position of a person who has rejected God for many years, perhaps not with obvious and conscious insolence, but through his actions, his carelessness, his unchristian behavior in a variety of circumstances, his neglect of the call To God. It’s as if we retreated step by step from God with our backs to the cliff, heard exhortations about danger, persuasions to stop, but did not believe them and continued our movement. And then one day the moment of the “last step” inevitably comes, when events develop with catastrophic speed. But here too there is a place for repentance, for heartfelt prayer and a petition for mercy. And from the Bible we know many examples of such repentance after the fall and we know that such repentance is accepted by the Lord and His mercy, so to speak, “softens” even the fall that has already taken place and smoothes out its consequences.

We definitely need to remember this and, of course, from the depths of our hearts, ask for forgiveness with a promise to begin a correction. Without this, any prayer will be just the insolence of a person who is used to only demanding, not wanting to sacrifice anything in return. So, when you come to church and ask God for mercy towards your neighbor who is in difficult circumstances, you need to start changing your life - and start changing it immediately.

First of all, of course, you need to prepare for confession and communion as responsibly and seriously as possible. This will take several days, and then you need to slowly begin to build a lifestyle consistent with the Orthodox faith. It is precisely slowly, without zeal, despite the desire for an instant and radical change, which sometimes arises from the ignition of pious zeal in the soul. But everything needs to be done little by little, with reasoning. First of all, you need to comprehend and examine your life for the presence of grave, mortal sins in it, and if any are present, make every effort to get rid of them. We call mortal sins the extreme manifestation of any passion. Fornication, pride, covetousness, anger... any passion in its free and full development destroys a person and becomes truly dangerous, mortal.

One of the experienced confessors said that anyone who wants to help their loved one must become an ascetic. This is the harsh truth. Usually they ask to pray, order magpies “in three churches”, ask for some “special prayer”, ask which saint to pray, not understanding that the main power is not in the prayer itself, not in these or those words, but in the readiness for to save a loved one, sacrifice yourself, your peace, your sinful habits, your way of life. And only then can pain for a loved one, prayer for him, be effective if this pain and prayer is supported by personal feat or, at least, a radical change in a godless life that is far from the Christian norm (and this is what we have to talk about in most cases).

There is a simple law in spiritual life: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). This bearing of burdens is some kind of spiritual labor undertaken for the sake of saving one’s loved one. And who else can take on this work if not a close, dear person. Yes, the prayers of the priest, and especially the prayers offered in church, at the Divine Liturgy, are important, but there is some kind of t A an intimate connection between relatives and in terms of salvation, so sometimes it is the loved one, and not someone else, who must take on some kind of deep spiritual work. By the way, the work that a person (often far from faith) needs to undertake turns out to be not some kind of great feat, but just a return to normal Christian life, to what this life should be like in everyday life, and only ours Many years of carelessness remove us from this norm so much that it begins to seem like some kind of unbearable burden to us.

And there’s one more thing I’d like to say. Indeed, there are, and even often, sudden and miraculous deliverances of our loved ones from certain diseases, dangers and misfortunes. And then it happens to see the shining grateful eyes of relatives... But this does not always happen. Much more often, a person who comes to church and asks for prayers for his loved one, who wants to help him, must be patient and understand that some complicated circumstances, neglected illnesses and passions are not resolved instantly, and correcting this or that difficult situation requires a lot of patience, humility and constant effort to change for the better. And even then, there are such difficult circumstances that even with changes in personal life, with constancy in prayer and piety, the fruits of our faith and hope are not visible for years, and sometimes are not visible at all in this earthly life. But just because they are not visible does not mean that they are not there.

There is such a good American film “It’s a Wonderful Life”. So, the main character of this film - a really kind person - once fell into bitter despondency, because it seemed to him that all his goodness was in vain and useless. And then he was shown what the world would be like if he had not done this everyday and “inconspicuous” good.

Yes, it also happens that the fruits of our labors are not visible, and we also need to be prepared for this, because we can only know the resolution of our entire life and the results of our labors upon leaving this world, in the light of God’s judgment and His truth. So we should never, under any circumstances, say that our faith and works and prayers are in vain, just because they do not produce visible results. On the contrary, not a single good deed, not a single heartfelt sigh will remain forgotten by the Lord, but it is not always useful for us to see the fruits of God’s mercy here on earth - and this is a serious matter of faith. Let us remember that many righteous people here on earth were persecuted and despised even until their last breath and never saw triumph, any obvious, from the point of view of everyday truth, fruits of their piety. But not one of them remained forgotten by the Lord, and not one of them lost the joy of being with Him. In the same way, everyone for whom they prayed during life or after their dormition will not lose the fruits of these prayers, if only they themselves contributed at least something good to the prayers of the holy intercessors.

Well, you can’t ignore the “practical side” in any way, because most often those who come to church with pain about their loved ones ask what exactly needs to be read, what prayer.

It is good to read the Psalter for your loved one, adding at each “Glory” a petition for health (or for repose, if the person has passed away). Reading the Psalter amazingly calms a person, occupies his painfully tense mind with prayer, allows him to escape from anxious, panicky, painful thoughts and connects him with the Lord, who alone knows how to solve our problems and difficulties.

Fortunately, in our time, so-called “complete prayer books” are widespread, where prayers are printed for various occasions. I think a person himself can choose any prayer that is suitable in meaning to his request, and read it patiently, daily, adding it to morning and evening prayers, and if this prayer is pronounced with all his heart, with pain and love, if it is supported by good changes in one’s own life - then there is no doubt that the Lord will heed such prayer and will give exactly what is useful to us and our loved ones for the salvation of the soul in time and in eternal life.

Returning to where we started, let us remember that old age is the return path to the source, and this movement shows that a person has exhausted his life in this world, has exhausted it as the path of his development. Elderly people begin to discover the knowledge that here on earth they have already done everything they could, have gone through the entire required circle, this stage of development has ended, and they are about to be born into another world.

And this lesson can be passed on to others. I remember when I was little, I asked my grandmother: “Is it scary to die?” She answered me: “No. When everyone around you has already died, when your time has passed, it’s not scary to die, because you understand that all your friends, girlfriends, parents have all already moved on to another world. And you can look at the earthly world and be glad that you have a continuation, children, grandchildren, but somehow you don’t want to go to kindergarten again, to school.” Since I was six years old, I remember this idea well: that it turns out that in old age it is interesting that others have a life - children, grandchildren. And these grandmother’s words reassured me very much. They helped us understand that while we live in this world, we are gradually enriched by other experiences, we somehow understand that there is another world, we see glimpses of the world of God, the world of eternal love. In the Lord’s Prayer we say the following words: “Thy will be done, both in heaven and on earth,” so may we someday also find ourselves in His will in heaven.

Maria Gantman, gerontopsychiatrist. About dementia from a doctor's perspective

Healthy aging – what does it mean?

We are accustomed to the fact that with age people inevitably develop some health problems, and they are taken for granted. That's why it often happens in many families that a grandparent's mental health gradually deteriorates over many years, but no one thinks to see a doctor. At the same time, the family is not at all indifferent to the health of the elderly person. When it turns out that the violations have already gone far and time has been lost, the patient’s relatives are sincerely surprised: “We attributed everything to age.” And even many doctors, in response to complaints from a seventy-year-old man about memory loss, answer: “What do you want? It's age."

What phenomena can be considered normal, “age-related” changes in the psyche, and which indicate a disease? It is normal for an older person to remember something new worse than he did at 20 or 40 years old. It's not scary if a person:

In my youth I did not need a diary or other notes, but at the age of 50 it became necessary;

Entering the room, I forgot why I came in, but when I returned, I remembered;

Has difficulty remembering the names of actors or other people with whom he does not constantly communicate.

Not all healthy older people master complex technology (for example, a computer) - it all depends on the initial level of intelligence and education. But mastering, for example, a microwave oven or a mobile phone of a simplified design should be possible at any advanced age.

There is also a stereotype that it is natural to be depressed in old age. It is believed that “old age is not a joy” and an elderly person is characterized by apathy, sadness and “weariness with life.” In fact, constant depression and unwillingness to live are not the norm for any age. These are symptoms of a disorder called depression, and it is treated with special medications - antidepressants.

The table below describes conditions that can be considered normal for older people and those that indicate illness.

It is very important to recognize painful manifestations as early as possible, take a closer look at your family, and consult a doctor as soon as possible if problems are discovered. Timely treatment will help extend the years of decent life for our loved ones.

How to recognize dementia

Norm

Some narrowing of interests, decreased activity (for example, a person spends more time at home than before).

Understanding the path of life, awareness of one’s mortality, concern for what will remain after one’s death (solving problems of inheritance, saving for a funeral), without focusing on this topic.

The activities that bring pleasure are not the same as before.

Mild forgetfulness, which does not interfere with everyday life. For example, you can forget about an event, but remember it if they talk about it.

Sleep 6–7 hours a day, tendency to go to bed early and get up early. Waking up 1-2 times a night (for example, to go to the toilet), after which there are no problems falling asleep.

Commitment to old experience, wary attitude towards changing the usual way of life. Storing old things that hold memories.

Sign of illness

Apathy, inactivity, neglect of washing, changing clothes.

Constant thoughts about death, conversations about being “healed,” “it’s time to die,” “becoming a burden,” etc.

There is no pleasure in any activity.

Forgetfulness disrupts daily life. Skills are lost. Having forgotten about an event, a person does not remember about it, even if reminded.

Sleeping less than 6 hours a day, waking up multiple times, daytime sleepiness.

Statements that someone (usually close people or neighbors) is harmful or hostile, stealing things, etc. Collecting rubbish and garbage on the street.

What is dementia and what are its manifestations?

Dementia is the loss of cognitive, or, as experts say, cognitive abilities, that is, memory, attention, speech, spatial orientation and others. Previously, this condition was called dementia, and the extreme degree of its manifestation - marasmus, but now these names are not used in medicine. With dementia, cognitive abilities are permanently impaired, that is, we are not talking about a temporary deterioration in mental state, as, for example, during an acute illness. The diagnosis of dementia is established if memory and other functions are reduced for more than six months.

Some decline in memory for recent events is natural in old age, and this phenomenon is called benign forgetfulness. When impairment reaches the level of dementia, people have difficulty performing everyday tasks that were previously easy. If normally a person can make his forgetfulness noticeable only to him, then with dementia the changes are visible first to close people, and then to everyone around him.

Causes of dementia

Dementia is not the name of a specific disease. We are talking about a combination of symptoms (syndrome) that can be caused by various reasons. Only a doctor after an examination can understand which disease led to dementia.

Most often (in 2/3 of cases), dementia in older people develops due to Alzheimer's disease, in which, for reasons that are not entirely clear, nerve cells in the brain steadily die. The second most common cause of dementia is atherosclerosis of cerebral vessels (deposition of cholesterol plaques in them), and in this case dementia is called vascular. Alzheimer's disease and vascular dementia are incurable. If the diagnosis is correct, do not believe those who promise recovery. There have been no such cases in history, and this fact must simply be accepted.

Other causes of dementia are less common, and there are many of them: alcoholism, genetic diseases, traumatic brain injuries, lack of thyroid hormones, increased intracranial pressure and others. In some of these cases, it is possible to address the cause and cure the dementia.