The essence of the manifestation of unmotivated aggression

Aggression does not arise out of nowhere. Often it is interpersonal conflicts that are the cause of aggression. Provocation is the most common factor in outbreaks of aggression.

Aggression can arise even from the mere thought that another person has hostile intentions, regardless of whether there was a real reason for this or not.

Social causes of aggression

Among social reasons, one of the serious reasons for aggression are observers and instigators. Many people willingly obey when they are asked to publicly punish another person, even if the commands are given by persons who are not in authority. Bystanders have a significant influence on aggression if the aggressor thinks that his actions will be approved.

Carrying a weapon can manifest itself not only as a means of protection, but also as a stimulus to aggression.
The media and the demonstration of scenes of violence in the media also serve as a reason and a kind of “call” for violence.

External environment as a cause of aggression

High air temperatures increase the likelihood of irritation and aggressive behavior.

Other environmental influences on aggression include noise and crowding. In addition, in a polluted environment, such as excessive cigarette smoke or foul odors, aggressive reactions are also increased.

Personal qualities and innate tendency to aggression

Among the psychological characteristics that can provoke aggressive behavior are:

• fear of public disapproval;

• irritability;

• tendency to see hostility in others;

• tendency to feel shame rather than guilt in many situations.

Among people prone to aggression, there are often those who are committed to various prejudices, for example, racial prejudices.

Female and male aggression

There are some differences between men and women in the expression of aggression. Women view aggression more as a way to express anger and relieve stress due to the release of aggressive energy.

Men view aggression as a certain model of behavior that they resort to in order to obtain some kind of social or material reward.

Often aggression and irritability in women manifests itself during the menstrual cycle, the so-called premenstrual syndrome. Also, the cause of attacks of aggression in women can be hormonal changes in the body, during the period before and after childbirth, menopause, or taking hormonal medications.

Attacks of aggression in men can also be associated with changes in hormonal levels, for example, with an excess of the male hormone - testosterone, or during the period of male menopause - andropause.

In addition to hormonal causes of aggression in men and women, there are a number of psychological problems, including various addictions - alcoholism, drug addiction and nicotine addiction. It is known that regular use of harmful substances has a destructive effect on the human psyche.

The daily news report constantly frightens the average person with the number of acts of violence in all corners of the world. And everyday life is replete with quarrels, shouting and other manifestations of hostility.

Aggression in modern society is perceived as evil and is publicly condemned. However, there are many examples of hostile behavior of both individuals and entire groups of people.

Why do people cause suffering to each other, what are the causes of interpersonal and global conflicts? There is no clear answer to these questions, but studying the phenomenon of aggressiveness in different aspects of human life will help to better understand the problem.

What is aggression?

There are many approaches in the world to determining the cause, content and types of counteraction to such behavior. Thus, some psychologists believe that aggression is an innate human quality associated with instinctive impulses. Others correlate this concept with the need for an individual to discharge frustration (frustration), while others perceive it as a manifestation of a person’s social learning, which arose on the basis of past experience.

Thus, this type of personality manifestation is intentional behavior that is destructive in nature and leads to physical or psychological harm and discomfort in other individuals.

Aggression in psychology, and in everyday life, is often associated with anger, anger, rage, that is, extremely negative emotions. In fact, hostility can also arise in a calm, cool state. Such behavior may be the result of negative attitudes (the desire to harm or offend) or be unmotivated. According to many experts, a prerequisite for aggressive behavior must be that it is directed at another individual. That is, punching the wall and breaking dishes are not manifestations of hostile, but expressive behavior. But outbursts of uncontrollable negative emotions can subsequently be redirected to living beings.

Historical approaches

The definition of aggression is carried out through various approaches. The main ones are:

1. Normative approach. Particular attention is paid to the illegality of actions and violation of generally accepted norms. Aggressive behavior is considered to be behavior that includes 2 main conditions: there are consequences that are disastrous for the victim and at the same time the norms of behavior are violated.
2. Depth psychological approach. The instinctive nature of aggression is affirmed. It is an integral innate feature of the behavior of any person.
3. Targeted approach. Explores hostile behavior in terms of its intended purpose. According to this direction, aggression is a tool of self-affirmation, evolution, adaptation and appropriation of vital resources and territories.
4. Effective approach. Focuses on the consequences of such behavior.
5. An intentional approach. Evaluates the motivations of the subject of hostility that prompted him to take such actions.
6. Emotional approach. Reveals the psycho-emotional aspect of the behavior and motivation of the aggressor.
7. A multidimensional approach includes an analysis of all factors of aggression with an in-depth study of the most significant, from the point of view of the individual author.

A large number of approaches to defining this psychological phenomenon do not provide an exhaustive definition. The concept of “aggression” is too broad and multifaceted. Types of aggression are very diverse. But it is still necessary to understand and classify them in order to better understand the causes and develop ways to combat this serious problem of our time.

Aggression. Types of aggression

It is quite difficult to create a unified classification of types of aggression and its causes. However, in world practice they often use its definition according to the method of American psychologists A. Bass and A. Darkie, which includes five components:

1. Physical aggression - physical force is used on another individual.
2. Indirect aggression - occurs in a hidden way (unkind banter, creating gossip) or is not directed at a specific person (gratuitous screaming, stomping, other manifestations of outbursts of rage).
3. Irritation is increased excitability to external stimuli, which often leads to a surge of negative emotions.
4. Verbal aggression is the manifestation of negative feelings through verbal reactions (squealing, screaming, swearing, threats, etc.).
5. Negativism is oppositional behavior that can manifest itself in both passive and active forms of struggle against established laws and traditions.

Types of Verbal Responses

The manifestation of aggression in verbal form, according to A. Bass, is divided into three main types:

1. Rejection is a reaction that is based on the “go away” type and more crude forms.
2. Hostile remarks are formed according to the principle “your presence annoys me.”
3. Criticism is aggression directed not specifically at a person, but at his personal objects, work, clothes, etc.

Psychologists also identify other forms of hostility. So, according to H. Heckhausen, there is instrumental and hostile aggression. Hostility is an end in itself and brings direct harm to another person. Instrumental is an intermediate phenomenon in achieving a goal (for example, extortion).

Forms of manifestation

Forms of aggression can be very diverse and are divided into the following types of actions:

• negative (destructive) - positive (constructive);
• obvious (open aggression) - latent (hidden);
• direct (directed directly to the object) - indirect (influence through other channels);
• ego-syntonic (accepted by the personality itself) - ego-dystonic (condemned by one’s “I”);
• physical (violence against a physical object) - verbal (attack with words);
• hostile (the goal of aggression is immediate harm) - instrumental (hostility is only a means to achieve another goal).

The most common manifestations of aggression in everyday life are raising one's voice, slander, insults, coercion, physical force, and the use of weapons. Hidden forms include harmful inaction, avoidance of contact, self-harm, even suicide.

Who can aggression be directed at?

Attacks of aggression can be directed at:

• exclusively close people - only family members (or one member) are attacked, behavior with others is normal;
• people not from the family circle - teachers, classmates, doctors, etc.;
• oneself - both on one’s own body and personality, occurs in the form of refusal to eat, mutilation, nail biting, etc.;
• animals, insects, birds, etc.;
• inanimate physical objects - in the form of eating inedible objects;
• symbolic objects - passion for aggressive computer games, collecting weapons, etc.

Causes of aggressive behavior

The reasons for human hostility are also varied and cause controversy among professional psychologists.

Adherents of the biological theory are of the opinion that aggression is:

• innate human reaction associated with (attack is the best defense);
• behavior that arises as a result of the struggle for territory and resources (competition in the personal and professional spheres);
• hereditary property obtained together with the type of nervous system (unbalanced);
• a consequence of hormonal imbalances (excess testosterone or adrenaline);
• a consequence of use (alcohol, nicotine, drugs).

According to the sociobiological approach, people with similar genes contribute to each other's survival, even through self-sacrifice. At the same time, they show aggression towards individuals who are very different from them and contain few common genes. This explains conflict outbreaks between representatives of social, national, religious and professional groups.

Psychosocial theory links increased aggressiveness to a person's quality of life. The worse his condition (not getting enough sleep, hungry, not satisfied with life), the more hostile he is.

Factors influencing the level of aggressiveness

According to social theory, aggression is a human property acquired throughout life. Moreover, it develops against the background of the following factors:

• (frequent quarrels between parents, use of physical force on children, lack of parental attention);
• daily display and propaganda of violence on television and other media.

Psychologists also closely link factors of human aggression with the following personal qualities:

• dominant style of behavior;
• increased anxiety;
• tendency to detect hostility in the actions of other individuals;
• increased or, conversely, decreased self-control;
• decreased self-esteem and frequent infringement of self-esteem;
• complete lack of potential, including creativity.

How to deal with an aggressor?

Aggression is an action usually aimed at destruction. Therefore, it is necessary to remember some basic rules of behavior with a negative individual:

1. If a person is in strong psychological arousal, and the problem is minor, try to move the conversation to another topic, reschedule the discussion, that is, get away from the irritating conversation.
2. It will have a positive effect on mutual understanding if the parties to the conflict look at the problem from the outside, with an unbiased look.
3. It is necessary to try to understand the aggressor. If the cause is up to you, take possible measures to eliminate it.
4. Sometimes it is helpful to show the aggressor empathy and understanding.
5. It also helps to agree with him in those points where he is really right.

Determine what type the aggressor belongs to

Specific methods of countering hostility depend directly on the type of personality of the aggressor:

1. Type "Tank". Very rude and direct people who go straight ahead in a conflict situation. If the issue is not very important, it is better to give in or adapt, to let the aggressor let off steam. You cannot question his rightness; you should express your opinion without emotion, because calm usually suppresses the rage of such a person.
2. Bomb type. These subjects are not evil by nature, but they can flare up like children. In the event of an outbreak of hostility, it is necessary to allow the emotions of such a person to come out, calm him down and communicate normally further, since this does not happen out of malice and often against the will of the aggressor himself.
3. Sniper type. Due to the lack of actual power, it creates conflicts through intrigue. It is important to present the culprit with evidence of his behind-the-scenes games and then look for a solution to this issue.
4. Horn type. These people criticize everything in the world, from real problems to imaginary ones. They want to be heard. When contacting such an aggressor, it is necessary to let him pour out his soul, agree with his opinion and try to move the conversation in a different direction. When returning to this topic, one should switch his attention from the problem to ways to solve it.
5. “Penknife” type. Such people are often ready to help and give in on many issues. However, this happens only in words, but in practice the opposite is true. When communicating with them, you need to insist on the importance for you of the truth on their part.

How to get rid of discomfort after communication?

In the modern world, people have a fairly high level of aggression. This implies the need to properly respond to other people’s attacks, as well as control one’s own psycho-emotional state.

At the moment of a hostile reaction, you need to take a deep breath and exhale, count to ten, which will allow you to abstract from the momentary outburst of emotions and look at the situation rationally. Telling your opponent about your negative feelings is also useful. If all this does not help, you can throw out excess anger using one of the following activities:

• sports, yoga or active games in the fresh air;
• picnic in nature;
• relaxation in a karaoke bar or disco;
• general cleaning (you can even rearrange it) in the house;
• writing all the negative things on paper and then destroying it (you need to tear it up or burn it);
• you can break dishes or just a pillow (this option is much cheaper);
• conversation with the closest and, most importantly, understanding people;
• crying also provides tangible emotional release;
• in the end, you can just do what you love, it will undoubtedly lift your spirits.

In more severe cases, a person cannot cope with negative emotions on his own. Then you need to contact a psychotherapist or psychologist. A specialist will help you recognize the causes of this condition, define aggression in each specific case, and also find individual methods for solving this issue.

Causes of childhood aggression

A very important aspect that cannot be ignored is teenage aggression. It is very important for parents to figure out what caused this behavior, because this will make it possible to correct the child’s reactions in the future. Children's hostility has similar causes to adults, but it also has some peculiarities. The main ones include:

• desire to get something;
• desire to dominate;
• attracting the attention of other children;
• self-affirmation;
• defensive reaction;
• gaining a sense of superiority by humiliating others;
• revenge.

Aggressive behavior of adolescents in half of the cases is the result of miscalculations in upbringing, insufficient or excessive influence, unwillingness to understand the child, or a simple lack of time. This character is formed under an authoritarian type of parental influence, as well as in dysfunctional families.

Aggression in adolescents also occurs in the presence of a number of psychological factors:

• low level of intelligence and communication skills;
• primitivism of gaming activities;
• poor self-control skills;
• problems with peers;
• low self-esteem.

Left to chance, aggression on the part of a child can develop into open conflicts in the future, even in adulthood. Child psychology identifies almost the same types of hostility as adults. Therefore, we will dwell in more detail on the issues of combating it, which has some differences from cases with adults.

The child has?

The most important rule in education is following a personal example. A child will never respond to parents’ demands that are at odds with their own actions.

The reaction to aggression should not be immediate and cruel. The child will take his anger out on others, hiding his real emotions from his parents. But there should be no connivance, since children sense uncertainty on the part of their parents very well.

Aggressive behavior of adolescents requires timely prevention, namely the systematic and controlled formation of trusting and friendly relationships. Strength and weakness on the part of the parent will only make the situation worse; only sincerity and trust will really help.

Specific steps to combat aggression in a child include the following:

1. Teach him self-control.
2. Develop skills to behave in conflict situations.
3. Teach your child to express negative emotions in an appropriate form.
4. Instill in him understanding and empathy for other people.

An aggressive person is a real problem for those around him.

Thoughtless offensive words or awkward movements can enrage an interlocutor, neighbor, wife or husband, who becomes dangerous both for himself and for the people around him. An aggressive person may commit a crime that he will regret for the rest of his life. Why can't we always control our rages? How to get rid of anger painlessly?

Why does a person become aggressive?

Each person has his own boiling point; in a few seconds, the most balanced individuals can turn into reckless people if a feeling of danger arises. Not only a person’s personal qualities influence the level of aggressiveness; the hormonal cocktail given by nature has no less influence on this level.

Researchers in the field of human psyche have concluded that the causes of aggressive human behavior are fluctuations in the level of the following hormones:

Adrenalin;

Norepinephrine;

Testosterone.

Adrenaline launches a rescue program, not everyone is endowed with norepinephrine, but people who have norepinephrine splashing into their blood instead of adrenaline are more likely to jump into battle than run away. Testosterone gives a person a quick temper, and the higher the level of this hormone, the more aggressive the person is.

The presence and quantity of certain hormones explains the behavior of a person who becomes aggressive and why everyone can restrain their emotions to their own extent. No one has yet learned to keep this reaction under complete control.

Psychologist Erich Fromm studied inappropriate behavior and identified two types of aggression.

1. Benign aggression serves the cause of life. A person shows this type of aggression when his interests are threatened.

2. Malignant human aggression is an acquired reaction associated with cruelty or with a pathological feeling of asserting oneself through aggressiveness.

You can and should fight benign aggression on your own. And people with malignant aggression need the help of psychologists or psychiatrists.

How to deal with an aggressive person?

If you do not allow aggressive people to express their emotions, they will begin to manifest themselves against the will of the person. Help relieve tension:

Sports or physical labor;

Favorite hobby;

Hiking;

Communication with pleasant and interesting people.

Maintaining emotional balance and timely relieving negative emotions in these accessible ways will help you maintain health and good mood.

Aggression is an attack motivated by destructive behavior that contradicts all norms of human coexistence and harms the targets of the attack, causing moral and physical harm to people, causing psychological discomfort. From the perspective of psychiatry, aggression in humans is considered a method of psychological defense against a traumatic and unfavorable situation. It can also be a way of psychological release, as well as self-affirmation.

Aggression causes damage not only to an individual, an animal, but also to an inanimate object. Aggressive behavior in humans is considered in the following sections: physical - verbal, direct - indirect, active - passive, benign - malignant.

Causes of aggression

Aggressive behavior in humans can be caused by a variety of reasons.

The main causes of aggression in humans:

- abuse of alcohol, as well as drugs that weaken the nervous system, which provokes the development of an aggressive, inadequate reaction to minor situations;

- problems of a personal nature, unsettled personal life (lack of a life partner, a feeling of loneliness, intimate problems that cause, and later turn into an aggressive state and manifest themselves at every mention of the problem);

- mental trauma received in childhood (neurosis received in childhood due to poor parental relations);

- strict upbringing provokes future manifestations of aggressiveness towards children;

- passion for watching quest games and thrillers;

- overwork, refusal to rest.

Aggressive behavior is observed in a number of mental and nervous disorders. This condition is observed in patients with epilepsy, schizophrenia, due to injuries and organic lesions of the brain, meningitis, encephalitis, psychosomatic disorders, neurasthenia, epileptoid psychopathy.

The causes of aggression are subjective factors (customs, revenge, historical memory, extremism, fanaticism of some religious movements, the image of a strong person introduced through the media, and even the psychological individual traits of politicians).

There is a misconception that aggressive behavior is more characteristic of people with mental illness. There is evidence that only 12% of people who committed aggressive acts and were referred for a forensic psychiatric examination were diagnosed with mental illness. In half of the cases, aggressive behavior was a manifestation, and in the rest, inappropriate aggressive reactions were noted. In fact, in all cases there is an exaggerated reaction to circumstances.

Observation of teenagers has shown that television perpetuates an aggressive state through crime programs, which further enhances the effect. Sociologists, such as Carolyn Wood Sheriff, challenge the popular belief that sports act as ersatz war without bloodshed. Long-term observations of teenagers at a summer camp showed that sports competitions not only do not reduce mutual aggressiveness, but only intensify it. An interesting fact was discovered about the removal of aggressiveness in adolescents. Working together in the camp not only united the teenagers, but also helped relieve mutual aggressive tension.

Types of aggression

A. Bass, as well as A. Darkey, identified the following types of aggression in humans:

- physical, when direct force is used to inflict physical and moral damage on the enemy;

- irritation manifests itself in readiness for negative feelings; indirect aggression is characterized in a roundabout way and is directed at another person;

- negativism is an oppositional manner of behavior, marked by passive resistance to active struggle, directed against established laws and customs;

- verbal aggression is expressed in negative feelings through such forms as screeching, screaming, through verbal responses (threats, curses);

Growing up is a difficult stage in the life of every teenager. The child wants independence, but is often afraid of it and is not ready for it. Because of this, the teenager has contradictions that he is not able to sort out on his own. At such moments, the main thing is not to distance yourself from the children, to show tolerance, not to criticize, to talk only as equals, to try to calm them down, to understand them, to understand the problem.

Aggression in adolescents manifests itself in the following types:

- hyperactive - a motor-disinhibited teenager who is brought up in a family in an atmosphere of permissiveness of the “idol” type. To correct behavior, it is necessary to build a system of restrictions using game situations with mandatory rules;

- an exhausted and touchy teenager who is characterized by increased sensitivity, irritability, touchiness, and vulnerability. Behavior correction includes relieving mental stress (hitting something, noisy play);

- an oppositional-defiant teenager who shows rudeness towards people he knows, parents who are not role models. The teenager transfers his mood and problems onto these people. Behavior modification involves problem solving in collaboration;

- an aggressive-fearful teenager who is hostile and suspicious. Correction includes working with fears, modeling a dangerous situation with the child, overcoming it;

- an aggressively insensitive child who is not characterized by emotional responsiveness, sympathy, and empathy. Correction includes stimulating humane feelings and developing children's responsibility for their actions.

Aggression in adolescents has the following causes: learning difficulties, shortcomings in upbringing, characteristics of the maturation of the nervous system, lack of cohesion in the family, lack of closeness between the child and parents, the negative nature of relationships between sisters and brothers, family leadership style. Children from families where there is discord, alienation, and coldness are most prone to aggression. Communication with peers and imitation of older schoolchildren also contributes to the development of this condition.

Some psychologists believe that teenage aggressiveness can be suppressed as childish, but there are nuances here. In childhood, the social circle is limited only by parents, who independently correct aggressive behavior, and in adolescence, the social circle becomes wider. This circle expands to include other teenagers with whom the child communicates as equals, which is not the case at home. Hence the problems in families. A group of peers considers him an independent, separate and unique person, where his opinion is taken into account, but at home the teenager is classified as an unreasonable child and his opinion is not taken into account.

How to respond to aggression? To extinguish aggression, parents need to try to understand their child, accept his position if possible, listen, and help without criticism.

It is important to eliminate aggression from the family, where it is the norm between adults. Even as a child grows up, parents act as role models. For parents of brawlers, the child will grow up to be the same in the future, even if the adults do not clearly express aggression in front of the teenager. The feeling of aggressiveness occurs on a sensory level. It is possible that a teenager grows up quiet and downtrodden, but the consequences of family aggression will be as follows: a cruel, aggressive tyrant will grow up. To prevent such an outcome, it is necessary to consult a psychologist to correct aggressive behavior.

Prevention of aggression in adolescents includes: the formation of a certain range of interests, involvement in positive activities (music, reading, sports), involvement in socially recognized activities (sports, work, art, organization), avoiding manifestations of force in relation to the teenager, discussing problems together, listening to feelings of children, lack of criticism, reproaches.

Parents must always remain tolerant, loving, gentle, communicate on equal terms with teenagers and remember that if you move away from your child now, it will be very difficult to get closer later.

Aggression in men

Male aggression is strikingly different from female aggression in its attitudes. Men resort mainly to an open form of aggression. They often experience much less anxiety, as well as feelings of guilt during periods of aggression. For them, aggression is a means of achieving their goals or a unique model of behavior.

Most scientists who have studied human social behavior have suggested that aggression in men is determined by genetic reasons. This behavior made it possible to pass on one’s genes from generation to generation, defeat rivals and find a partner for procreation. Scientists Kenrick, Sadalla, Vershour, as a result of research, found that women consider leadership and dominance of men to be attractive qualities for themselves.

Increased aggression in men occurs due to social as well as cultural factors, or more precisely, in the absence of a culture of behavior and the need to demonstrate confidence, strength and independence.

Women's aggression

Women often use psychological implicit aggression; they are worried about what kind of resistance the victim may give them. Women resort to aggression during outbursts of anger to relieve mental and nervous tension. Women, being social creatures, have emotional sensitivity, friendliness and empathy, and their aggressive behavior is not as pronounced as men's.

Aggression in older women baffles loving relatives. Often this type of disorder is classified as a symptom if there are no obvious reasons for such behavior. Attacks of aggression in women are characterized by a change in character and an increase in negative traits.

Aggression in women is often provoked by the following factors:

- congenital hormonal deficiency caused by early developmental pathology, which leads to mental disorders;

- emotional negative experiences of childhood (sexual violence, abuse), victimization of intrafamily aggression, as well as the pronounced role of the victim (husband);

- hostile relationship with mother, childhood mental trauma.

Aggression in the elderly

The most common disorder in older people is aggression. The reason is a narrowing of the circle of perception, as well as a false interpretation of the events of an elderly person who is gradually losing touch with society. This is caused by a decrease in memory for current events. For example, stolen items or missing money. Such situations cause problems in family relationships. It is very difficult to convey to an elderly person with memory impairment that the missing item will be found because it was placed in another place.

Aggression in the elderly manifests itself in emotional disturbances - grumpiness, irritability, protest reactions to everything new, a tendency to conflict, groundless insults and accusations.

The state of aggression is often caused by atrophic processes and vascular diseases of the brain (). These changes often go unnoticed by relatives and others, being attributed to “bad character.” A competent assessment of the condition and the correct selection of therapy allows one to achieve good results in establishing peace in the family.

Husband's aggression

Family disagreements and strong husband aggression are the most discussed topics in consultations with psychologists. Conflicts and disagreements that provoke mutual aggression among spouses are as follows:

- uncoordinated, unfair division of labor in the family;

- different understanding of rights and responsibilities;

- insufficient contribution of one of the family members to household work;

— chronic dissatisfaction of needs;

- shortcomings, defects in upbringing, discrepancies in mental worlds.

All family conflicts arise for the following reasons:

- dissatisfaction with the intimate needs of one of the spouses;

- dissatisfaction with the need for the significance and value of one’s “I” (violation of self-esteem, dismissive and disrespectful attitude, insults, resentments, incessant criticism);

— dissatisfaction with positive emotions (lack of tenderness, affection, care, understanding, attention, psychological alienation of spouses);

- addiction to gambling, alcoholic beverages of one of the spouses, as well as hobbies that lead to unreasonable waste of money;

— financial disagreements between spouses (issues of family support, mutual budget, each person’s contribution to material support);

— dissatisfaction with the need for mutual support, mutual assistance, the need for cooperation and cooperation associated with the division of labor, housekeeping, and child care;

— dissatisfaction with needs and interests in leisure and recreation.

As you can see, there are many reasons for conflict, and each family can identify its own pain points from this list.

Sociological studies have found that men are most sensitive to material and everyday problems and difficulties of adaptation at the beginning of family life. If a husband has male problems, then often the whole family suffers from this, but the wife suffers the most. Feeling his powerlessness, a man looks for the culprit and in this case it turns out to be a woman. The accusations are based on the fact that the wife is no longer arousing as before, she has gained weight, and has stopped taking care of herself.

The husband's aggression is expressed in petty nagging, dictatorship, provocations, and family quarrels. Often this is a consequence of dissatisfaction, as well as lack of self-confidence.

The reason for the husband’s aggression lies in his complexes and in no case are the wife’s shortcomings and behavior to blame. Having analyzed the form of manifestation of the husband’s aggression, one can find that it can be verbal, in which there is a demonstration of negative emotions (insults, rudeness). This behavior is typical of domestic tyrants.

A husband's aggression can be indirect and expressed in malicious remarks, offensive jokes, jokes, and pettiness. Lies, threats and refusal to help are also expressions of indirect aggression. Deceitful and evading husbands get their way with the help of hysterics and threats. This behavior is typical of despots, psychopaths, brawlers, and torturers. Men with personality disorders are very difficult, both for communication and for family life. Some husbands show cruelty (physical and moral).

Most women try to improve relations with their aggressor husband, but all attempts to improve the relationship and the desire to learn to understand the aggressor, as well as to become happier with him, come to a dead end.

The main mistakes made by a woman with an aggressor husband:

- often shares her fears and hopes, counting on understanding, giving her husband the opportunity to once again be convinced that she is weak and defenseless;

- constantly share your plans and interests with the aggressor, giving your husband another opportunity to criticize and condemn her;

- often the victim wife tries to find common topics for conversation, but in response she receives silence and coldness;

— the woman mistakenly believes that the aggressor will rejoice at her successes in life.

These paradoxes indicate that all a woman’s aspirations for internal growth and improvement of relationships with her aggressor husband only worsen the situation. An interesting fact is that the aggressor, when scolding a woman, describes exactly himself in the accusations that he attributes to her.

Fighting aggression

What to do when you feel aggression? You should not put up with the tyranny of your spouse, because you cause great damage to yourself and your self-esteem. You do not have to endure attacks, bad temper, supposedly from a stranger. You are an independent person with the same rights as your husband. You have the right to emotional peace, rest, and respect for yourself.

How to treat aggression?

It is important for the aggressor himself to understand the reason that prompted him to such behavior. If you persuade your husband to consult a psychologist, you will receive recommendations from a specialist on eliminating aggression from your life. However, if the husband’s personality anomaly is pronounced and further cohabitation is unbearable, then the best option would be divorce. Husbands of the tyrant category do not understand well, so you should not indulge them. The more you give in to them, the more brazenly they behave.

Why is it necessary to fight aggression? Because nothing passes without a trace, and every painful injection causes certain damage to the female psyche, even if the woman finds excuses for her tyrant, forgives and forgets the insult. After some time, the husband will again find a reason to offend his wife. And a woman will try to maintain peace at any cost.

Constant insults, as well as humiliation, negatively affect women’s self-esteem, and, in the end, a woman begins to admit that she doesn’t know how to do much. Thus, he develops an inferiority complex.

An adequate normal man should help a woman, support her in everything, and not constantly humiliate her and poke her nose at her shortcomings. Constant nagging and reproaches will affect the general tone and mood and disrupt a woman’s peace of mind, which will have to be restored with the help of specialists.

Good afternoon A child (son) 1 year 10 months shows aggression, endless tantrums with or without cause. If we are in a company with children, then he bites, pushes, hits, hugs everyone with such force that he almost strangles them, and takes away all the toys. He reacts to the word “can’t” with hysterics, lies on the floor and yells, freaks out. I try to calm him down and explain that this is not possible, and he starts hitting and biting me. Yes, sometimes he just lies down next to me and starts kicking me. He doesn't offend anyone else in the family except me. I don’t know how to behave with him anymore...

• Good afternoon, Anastasia. The development of children from 1 to 2 years of life is complicated by a number of crises associated with growing up. At this stage of development, the child begins to feel himself as an individual separate from the mother and to get to know himself, to look for his own “I”. Each new children's achievement is a kind of leap. Often, in some children, such mini-crises provoke so-called behavioral failures. For example, some children become capricious or have trouble sleeping.
  Most psychologists are convinced that the only period in which hysterics are acceptable is when a toddler is one year old. After all, he does not have enough vocabulary to explain his desires and behavior, and hysterics are his usual way of behaving. He simply doesn’t know any other way. Just a couple of months ago, all he had to do was whine, and his parents would immediately run to him, calm him down, console him, and fulfill his wishes. And today, although he has matured a little, he still does not know any other way to attract attention. You need to understand that the toddler himself will not be able to cope with hysteria, he simply will not be able to calm down on his own, so you should pick up the child and hold him close. But shouting, slapping the butt, and swearing is wrong and harmful to the child’s further development.

Good afternoon.
I have self-aggression. I know for sure because I have been suffering from this for a long time. I have a five-year-old son and I try to restrain myself...I try very hard.... however, sometimes I can’t resist and my son hears... and comes from the other room and asks “Mom, why are you beating yourself?”... we need to do something about it...
Is there any over-the-counter medication I can take to take the course?
I don’t want to go to specialists - I’m afraid that they’ll lock me up in a mental hospital and take my son away. The long period of restraint is 7-10 days, then I still have a breakdown... and PMS has nothing to do with it.
Thank you

• Hello Tatiana. We recommend that you contact a private specialist regarding your problem. The paid clinic ensures anonymity, the psychiatrist will help you understand yourself and your personality problems.
  Understanding why you harm yourself is the first step towards recovery. If you identify the reason why you physically harm yourself, you can find new ways to cope with your feelings, which in turn will reduce the desire to harm yourself.

  • thanks for the answer!
    Do I need a psychiatrist or psychologist or neurologist?

    • Tatyana, in your case, a psychotherapist is the best option.

Good afternoon. I probably won’t be original in my problem, but I would like to hear an assessment and advice regarding my specific situation.
Married for over 20 years. The relationship with my husband is good, except for the outbursts of anger that occur regularly, once every few months. The same scenario always happens. It begins with his irritability, which manifests itself from several days to a week. He’s the one who’s accumulating anger, that’s what I think. Moreover, he gets irritated at any word, but it is clear that he is trying to restrain himself. Then there comes a moment when this any word becomes the starting point for his scandal. This is the last case in particular. We live outside the city. I came from the city and brought my child from school. Saturday. He is sitting preparing lunch. He loves to cook. He does it with pleasure. Released the dogs from the enclosures. We have 5 Central Asian Shepherds. A neighbor arrived. They ran to the fence and barked at the neighbor. I'm nervous. I say that you can’t let everyone out into the yard at once. God forbid anything happens. The husband says he will drive them out soon. And if I need it, I can do it myself. I say that I can’t do it myself, because I’m sick (chondrosis has broken, it hurts to turn), and it started. Potatoes flew into the wall, and accusations that I sent the food, ruined everything, a bastard and the last person in the whole wide world. I turned around, told my son to start the car, and went to round up the dogs myself. I took two of them away, put the third on a leash, my husband came out and started shouting that I was taking this dog to the wrong place. I got behind the wheel and asked for the gate remote control. He said there was no remote control. Although he has it in his pocket. I turned around and left through the task gate.
I never raised my voice. The only thing she said was that I didn’t see my fault. In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer.
Then our next scenario begins. Now we won't talk to each other for a long time. He seriously believes that he is absolutely right. Ends up having to talk at work. (we work together in our organization).
Then again dear, beloved, sun until next time. Please tell me if there is a model of behavior to avoid these aggressive outbursts. Sometimes I fear for the lives of my children and myself. Because when he is furious, he flies with such force that it becomes scary.

• Hello Olga. Your problem is clear. We recommend changing your attitude towards your husband’s periodic aggressive outbursts - stop being offended, experiencing psychological discomfort and proving something. No matter how hard you try, they will still repeat themselves. This does not depend on your behavior or the behavior of your children.
  “In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer." “There’s no point in explaining anything to my husband either.” His aggression is a psychological release. Try to anticipate your husband’s condition and not support the conflict in any form.

My husband has attacks of aggression, mainly if I am not happy with the fact that he drinks at work or on vacation with the same group of employees. In my opinion, they drink often, only 10-15 people have birthdays, not to mention holidays. My husband is 53 years old, has hypertension, and constantly takes pills to lower his blood pressure. I don’t think alcohol contributes to his health and longevity, and of course I say that it’s unpleasant for me. 5 years ago he quit smoking, before that he smoked all the time. Now he constantly reproaches me for this during quarrels. This seems strange to me, I say that if he only did this for me, and now this is his “trump card” argument in our dialogues, then why such sacrifices, I don’t need them. He says that I control him, that almost everyone laughs at him... And what is masculine strength - I want to smoke and drink - it’s my business - you sit quietly, or what? I’m not talking about the fact that there are people who never drink of their own free will, who don’t drink in groups, but are present at corporate events, and in general are the soul of the company (I had such an employee). I don’t see any heroism here; a person does this of his own free will. Today we were at another corporate party, company day, I haven’t been having conversations lately on the topic, I drank or didn’t drink, it’s good for you after that, it’s bad…. I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else, and in general I didn’t intend to... God, what started here: throwing things, motherfucker, that I’m already for him... that he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and I’m making it work for him here, I almost pulled down the interior doors. I was scared that he was going to beat me up, but he flew out, slamming the front door to God knows where... I have no one to turn to, my parents are no longer alive, my brothers and sisters are gone, my cousins ​​are far away, they have families, children, grandchildren, but what about a friend? tell me. I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal? I'm trying to adequately assess the situation and figure it out. If a person considers himself henpecked just because he takes into account his wife’s opinion, or calls her once a day, in my opinion this is not normal. Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again. At the same time, oddly enough, my husband is the breadwinner in the family, the head of the enterprise, I also earn money, but less, which seems normal. What's wrong and what should I do?

• Hello, Tasha.
  “I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else”
  With these words you unconsciously tried to make him feel guilty and they served as a trigger for his aggression. The husband may have already arrived in a bad mood or is subconsciously always ready for the next claims, and these words were enough to throw out aggression on you.
  “I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal?” - Of course you're right. But forcing a man to express his attention to you in this way is also wrong. You yourself can show attention, care towards your husband, speak kind words and tell him, if possible, when he is in a good mood, that you miss him and can barely restrain yourself from calling him when he is at work. During the conversation, monitor your spouse’s reaction so as not to aggravate the situation and switch the conversation to another topic in time.
  “Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again.” Unfortunately, this happens very often. After all, men are very proud, vulnerable and touchy. And the key to a happy life in marriage is the ability to shut up in time.

Hello! In our family, unfortunately, the following situation has developed... I have an older brother (I am 25, my brother is 35 years old). My first memories of his manifestation of aggression are that he fought with his middle brother (he is now 33), but at that time I was still very young and it seemed to me that it brought him pleasure - to hurt his own brother. When I was about six years old, I remember how my brother hit my mother for the first time, he was chasing her to hit her, and was talking some kind of nonsense. At that time he played and sang at weddings, and naturally tried alcohol for the first time. When I was at school, I heard quarrels between my parents and my drunken brother, I was sent to another room and locked in just in case, you never know... And this “you never know” happened from time to time, my brother got into a fight with his sick father and mother... By the way - parents never! they didn’t fight, they quarreled occasionally, like all normal people, but dad or mom never allowed themselves too much.
Over the years, everything became even worse... My brother allowed me to give up on my mother, father, brother, wife... My father became weaker over the years, his illness affected him very much, but this did not stop his brother. Thanks to one of these blows, the middle brother developed a hemotoma in the abdominal cavity, which grew into a tumor, and he almost died. I know of an incident where he almost drowned his wife in the bathtub. Their child is sick with a brain tumor.
I can, of course, tell many more cases, but... He often drinks with friends, for them he is the life of the party, always cheerful, can make anyone laugh. At the same time, one cannot call him an alcoholic, since he conscientiously runs his own business and works hard. In a drunken state, it can start halfway, just look at it the wrong way. He only shows aggression towards his own people!!! When you try to talk to him about what happened, he doesn’t want to talk about it at all, because he doesn’t feel guilty at all. And often he doesn’t remember what he did at all, or simply pretends... He never asks for forgiveness for what he did. When you try to talk about the fact that he seriously offended his mother or did something else, he immediately breaks into a scream and screams to the last. He believes that he does everything, almost feeds and clothes everyone. Everything around is d... mo, and he is the “navel of the earth.” And all this comes out in a very loud monologue; if you try to object to him, you will hear the scream even louder.
I’ve been living in the capital for 7 years now and I don’t depend on anyone... My father recently died, my brother’s wife is pregnant with their second child, my mother lives in our parents’ house with my middle brother... But! I can’t live in peace, because I know that my older brother is tyrannizing everyone there! And he absolutely does not admit that he has problems with alcohol, and even more so with nerves or the psyche... And he does not admit it. I am very afraid for the health and emotional state of my loved ones, as he does not allow them to live in peace. But I can’t imagine how to deal with this problem, since my brother refuses the help of specialists... Please advise me, because I’m in despair!

• Hello, Anastasia. According to the description, your older brother is very close to a representative of the excitable type of character accentuation. Which is characterized by instinctiveness and what the mind suggests is not taken into account by such a person, and the desire to satisfy momentary desires, needs, instinctive impulses becomes decisive.
  Knowing this, we can recommend to you and all your loved ones not to criticize him, not to touch his personality in conversations, not to discuss his actions, not to remind him of past mistakes. Since all efforts will be useless, and it will be quite easy to run into his high impulsiveness and irritability. If necessary, such people simply need to be tolerated, but generally in society communication with such people is avoided if they show their temper and do not restrain themselves.

Problem with mother. He constantly rushes at me, swears for no reason, threatens me with physical harm, and has even gone as far as assault. She starts yelling wildly out of nowhere, doesn’t want to listen to anyone, everyone is to blame for her, etc. Always judging those around me, literally looking for something to cling to and pouring it all out on me. He doesn’t make any contact when talking, he sees only one thing in everything: “you’re trying to contradict me, #@*#@???” and starts even more. There are moments of calm when he even tries to improve relations, but it all ends in reproaches and using everything he learns against me. These reproaches and scandals hit where it hurts. If suddenly a scandal begins because of some lost thing, then it doesn’t matter whether I’m to blame for it or not, I never apologize for empty attacks. What to do?? How to find an approach?? How to calm a hysterical person?

• Hello, Alina. It is recommended to eliminate attacks of anger by switching attention to something pleasant or distracting for the aggressor and, of course, not to provoke him, since the breakdown of negative emotions on the immediate environment is akin to a drug and they give the aggressor great pleasure.

Hello. Here's the problem I have. I’m 23. My father left early, although he fully participated in my brother’s and my upbringing, our childhood was difficult, it wasn’t easy for my mother to pull us along, and subsequently there was no love for the rest of the world, something like a child’s complex. I am extremely hot-tempered, an absolutely happy mood easily changes to an extremely hostile state, but I have never shown aggression towards strangers, only in case of protecting myself or my family. I work a lot, and this is associated with constant physical and moral stress, which is why I always lashed out at those around me (family, girlfriend, close friends). But recently everything has changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, don’t get excited somewhere, I quickly calm down. BUT! As soon as I hear something addressed to me from a stranger, not necessarily an insult, any provocation, I suddenly have a feeling of HUGE hatred, it’s like adrenaline or a state before fainting, I can’t calm down until... but here it ends in different ways, but in most cases until my “enemy” is on the floor. And I understand later that I didn’t seem to hear anything particularly offensive addressed to me, but at that moment it felt like he was threatening me with death, and I couldn’t help but defend myself. Later I will realize and understand everything, but the feeling that I did everything right will not leave me, I cannot convince myself of this and no one can. By the way, now something else has appeared, in terms of intimacy, now the preference is more towards, well, let’s say not exactly, but a little towards rough intimacy, well, of course, not in relation to me, I have become a little rougher. No, my girlfriend likes it, of course, but I just noticed this in myself. And I’m writing all this only because for the first time I felt scared, not of consequences, not of responsibility, no, I became scared of myself, that I couldn’t control myself at the moment of aggression, I couldn’t calm down. Thank you for your help.

• Hello, Alexander. Most likely, you are characterized by an excitable type of character accentuation (an extreme version of the norm), which is expressed in weak control and insufficient controllability of your own drives and impulses. Therefore, it is very difficult for you to restrain yourself in a state of emotional excitement and not get irritated. There is no need to be afraid of your condition. Now you know that such a type exists, and you are one of it.
  Moral principles do not matter for this type, and in outbursts of anger there is an increase in aggressiveness, which is accompanied by an intensification of corresponding actions. The reactions of excitable individuals are impulsive. What is decisive for the behavior and lifestyle of such a person is not prudence, not the logical weighing of one’s actions, but desires, uncontrollable impulses.
  Therefore, we recommend avoiding extreme situations in which conflict is possible or situations where your behavior, business, or personal qualities are criticized.
  Your types prefer athletic sports, where they can release pent-up energy or aggression.
  “But recently things have changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, not to get into trouble” - Gradually, with age, you will become softer. Of course, this will depend directly on your immediate environment, your social circle. A personality of your type often carefully chooses his social circle, surrounding himself with weaker ones in order to lead them.
  Try to get plenty of rest, don't overwork yourself, and avoid starting difficult tasks when you're in a bad mood or tired, as behavior problems may occur in such situations. Do not place high hopes and expectations on society. The world is not ideal and it cannot be changed. People tend not to “filter” their words, which mean a lot in life.
  Meditation, auto-training, yoga can help you find peace of mind and be more stress-resistant.

Hello. I have an atypical situation, I am dating a girl, she is 19 years old. We’ve been dating for about 2 years, she has a very difficult relationship with her mother and grandmother, she doesn’t have a father, she always had quarrels with her mother, she just had crazy hysterics, it even got to the point of assault, about a year ago she moved in with me. At the beginning of the relationship, when there were disagreements or even minor quarrels, she became uncontrollable, a stream of aggression, swearing, insults and humiliation addressed to me, although I myself never even called her a fool, let alone swearing. Always in a conflict I tried to calm down and find out the reason for this behavior, she always says that she cannot control herself, that after she does not express everything to me, only then she calms down, and it does not necessarily have to be our quarrel. She quarrels with her mother and takes her anger out on me, responds rudely and swears. After my threats to break off the relationship, she calmed down more or less, but still during quarrels a stream of obscenities, insults, etc. emanates from her. The last time in the shopping center, where she and I and my friend were, she started screaming across the entire floor at me because I didn’t wait for her and followed me and screamed all the way to the exit. Everyone turned to look at us, and she didn’t react in any way to my friend’s and my requests not to shout and to calm down. Another type of behavior is to run away from me through the streets, even in unfamiliar cities, where she can get lost. Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up. I was very tired of this and began to show defensive aggression towards her myself, began to respond to her scream with a scream, damaged furniture from aggression, and after I showed aggression, she quickly calmed down and was the first to make peace and ask for forgiveness.. Tell me if changes for the better are possible or should you think about breaking up?

• Hello, Ruslan. You need to stop the girl’s manipulation, because as soon as she realized that you were capable of counter-aggression, she got scared and changed her behavior pattern.
  Tell her directly that you understand the complexity of the situation regarding her loved ones and communication with them, but you will not allow you to be treated this way. Either she changes internally, learns self-control, signs up for yoga, goes to see a psychologist, independently studies her problem, or you will be forced to end such a relationship.
  “Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up.” “This is a skillful game of a neurotic manipulative, allowing him to achieve his goals. And you need to keep the priority of your interests in mind.
  Calmly ask her the question: what will you gain from it if you kill yourself? Who will benefit from this? Let her understand that you are not familiar with remorse and that your relationship with her has strengthened you internally, so you will not grieve for a long time, but will quickly find a replacement for her. Therefore, it may make sense for her to change, stop blackmailing you and start respecting you as a person.

  • Thank you very much for your answer, now the problem and the seriousness of the situation have become clearer to me, because I repeatedly told her about restraining myself, about a psychologist, about internal changes, she seemed to be trying to control herself at first, but after a while everything started again again , and if quarrels with hysterics already occur less frequently, but they are becoming more and more difficult, and to any of my arguments about her unreasonable aggression, that the conflict can be calmly resolved, she replies that I am so bad and brought her to such a state.. she tells me it seems she just doesn’t want to change and really sees that I’m succumbing to her manipulations, I’ll try to send her or go with her to a psychologist or psychotherapist, if there are no results, then apparently I’ll have to break off the relationship

    Again I turn to you, I tried to behave as you advised, when asked to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist, she laughs and says that she is not a psychopath, and an attempt to stop her manipulations, in particular ignoring her, led to her going out onto the 12th floor balcony and I blackmailed her that she would dump her, she is unbalanced, when I break up with her I am afraid that I might actually commit suicide, what can be done either in terms of referring her to a psychologist or in terms of a safe separation?

    • Either you can help her decide to seek help (exactly how to do this - you should know better, since you have been living with her for two years), or you will suffer from her inappropriate behavior all the time you spend together... Without face-to-face help She definitely won’t need a specialist. There is simply nothing to add to what was written earlier without seeing the patient.

      You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them) and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

      You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them), and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

My husband and I have been together for 2 years. For the first six months, I was happy that a loving, attentive, affectionate man was with me, carried me in his arms, and blew away specks of dust. There were, of course, quarrels, but minor ones. The only thing that always amazed me was that during the conflict he could say such words to me that it’s difficult to even describe. But she didn’t pay much attention to it. The first time he laid his hand on me was after drinking enough alcohol. It was unbearable. I was in a closed room for 3 hours, he beat me, then he took a knife and cut my dress on me, broke a bottle on my head, after which I was already unconscious. I woke up on the balcony in a pool of blood. Seeing that I had regained consciousness, he literally ordered me to wash myself and lie down to sleep next to him. I started to get hysterical, he started beating me again. At some point, the neighbors started breaking down the door and I managed to escape, wrapped in a blanket, and left. I don’t know how, but I forgave him after a couple of months. And everything repeated itself, only the next time he tortured me for several days until the police intervened. But with our laws, there will be real punishment only when he kills. I can only say one thing, all this continues over and over again. I turned into a dog and I know that I will forgive him again. I know it's my fault, but maybe there is a way to cure it. I'm afraid that he will kill me soon. Tell me what can be done!!?

• Taisiya, you and only you can make yourself happy. Only you can change your life. You are now a victim, you need to urgently contact a specialist if you yourself are not capable. And my advice is to RUN AWAY from this asshole!!! As soon as possible! I hope you don't have children. Go to your mother, to your friend, there are centers for women who find themselves in difficult situations, or even to the train station! He will always beat you because you endured it! You cannot fight back, leave, run away. But I’m sure you can do it if you want it yourself. Change your life once and for all. And finally stop being a victim. Good luck to you!

How to cope with the aggression of a 9-year-old child with epilepsy. The girl doesn’t want to do her homework, she starts throwing everything, screaming, and may hit her mother. There is no way to deal with it, just trouble. What should we do, please help.

• Hello, Nadezhda. In your case with your daughter, we recommend that you consult a child psychologist. After talking with both you and the girl, the specialist will be able to establish the reasons for aggressive behavior and tell you how to more effectively achieve the desire to learn.

  • Thanks, we think we can try it too. Only I'm a grandmother. My daughter is already exhausted with her. The granddaughter takes Depakine, there are no attacks, and her character has become aggressive during the treatment. And when will this all get better?

My husband and I lived together for 5 years. We are 25 years apart. I am now 39, he is 64. Signs of aggression began to appear after the first 3 months. It seemed to me that it was my fault, I tried to talk, understand the reason and not do it again. Sometimes this was expressed in a furious scream (very, very strong, impossible to convey), sometimes in silence from 2 days to 10-15. As a result, I was always the first to make peace. Over the course of 5 years, similar situations occurred once a month. (on average) The husband never once considered himself guilty the whole time. Moreover, he punished. You don’t know how to behave, I’m going on vacation for the New Year alone. So out of 5 New Year holidays, 2 times I celebrated the New Year at home alone. At the same time, I tried to react differently to his hyper/or or long silence. And I screamed back at first (this turned out to be the most ineffective) and calmly tried to explain how I felt and left for a day or two. Once at the airport we were flying on vacation, I went to the toilet and lingered a little, screaming like mad for about 10 minutes, people began to gather around. I managed to stop only when I said that either you stop or I’m not going. Then on vacation I was silent for 2 weeks. I went separately. The last breakup was because he screamed when I told him what I bought at the grocery store. He yelled that he didn’t want to listen to this, the topic was closed. I tried to justify myself, causing him to go into rage. In the end, I said that I couldn’t listen to this anymore. And she left. He said, well, I went to... A month later he called and brought me my things from his dacha. And he said that if you apologize, I will forgive you. I came back 1 day later and apologized. And he said, you have a scandal on your tongue all the time, you can’t stop in time as always, I signaled to you to stop, but you don’t hear what they are saying to you. In general, I go on vacation alone in the summer, but the second autumn vacation is still in question. And we also had tickets to the theater, he said that he wasn’t going to go there alone, he didn’t go alone, and so on. since I may not have time at all. I couldn't stand it and left forever. 3 days have passed. It’s hard, I’m in a lot of pain. I’m trying to calm myself down, maybe he’s not normal?

• Hello Irina. It is clear that your husband has an unstable psyche and is dependent on periodic manifestations of aggression. It doesn’t matter whether it’s you or another wife, he will behave the same way.
  You did everything right by leaving, I don’t understand why you are suffering? In a relationship, he is the tyrant, and you are the victim, and this will always be the case.

  • I suffer because I know that I myself am responsible for everything that happens to me. So I’m trying to understand whether EVERYTHING was done on my part. And also, I love him very much, every finger, every hair... But I understand that I will soon become disabled if I stay. It’s better to “die” once than to do it endlessly. When he quarreled with me, it was like being thrown into hell: “you stop breathing and feeling.”

    I printed out your answer, I’m re-reading it, it becomes a little easier.
    THANK YOU.

My sister and I have a mother born in 1927. She almost lost her memory. She doesn’t recognize some of her loved ones, doesn’t understand where she lives, can’t understand that her husband (our father) died and plus illnesses. My sister takes care of my mother. After the death of her father, her sister does not leave her mother. She quit her job and sleeps with her mother in the same room. She is a doctor, a nurse and a nanny for parents. Look for such daughters. And even before her illness, her mother doted on her. But now everything has turned into a continuous nightmare. It was as if a demon had possessed the mother. She does everything in defiance, picks on food, doesn’t want to take medications, calls her sister names we’ve never heard from her, has already tried to hit her several times and has bitten her twice. My sister also has health problems. WHAT TO DO? How to reduce mom's aggressiveness. You have to hide your knives, but you can’t foresee everything.

• Hello, Yuri. In your case with your mother, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.

Aggression (from Latin aggressio - attack)- motivated destructive behavior that contradicts the norms (rules) of coexistence of people in society, harms the objects of attack (animate and inanimate), causes physical harm to people or causes them psychological discomfort (negative experiences, states of tension, fear, depression, etc. .).

The purpose of aggression can be:- coercion; - strengthening power and dominance; - impression management; - earnings; - affective release, resolution of internal conflict; - revenge for suffering suffered; - inflicting pain on the victim, obtaining pleasure from his suffering.

The following are highlighted. types of aggression:

physical aggression (attack) - the use of physical force against another person or object;

Verbal Aggression - the expression of negative feelings both through form (quarrel, screaming, screeching) and through the content of verbal reactions (threat, curses, swearing);

direct aggression - directly directed against someone. object or subject;

indirect aggression - actions that are directed in a roundabout way at another person (malicious gossip, jokes, etc.), and actions characterized by lack of direction and disorder (explosions of rage, manifested in screaming, stomping feet, beating the table with fists, etc.). P.);

instrumental Aggression, which is a means of achieving k.-l. goals;

hostile Aggression - expressed in actions aimed at causing harm to the object of aggression;

auto-aggression - aggression manifested in self-accusation, self-humiliation, self-harm, even suicide;

altruistic Aggression, which has the goal of protecting others from someone else’s aggressive actions.

Aggressive behavior- one of the forms of response to various unfavorable physical and mental life situations that cause stress, frustration, etc. condition. Psychologically, A. is one of the main ways to solve problems associated with the preservation of individuality and identity, with the protection and growth of a sense of self-worth, self-esteem, level of aspirations, as well as the preservation and strengthening of control over the environment that is essential for the subject.

Aggressive actions act as:

means of achieving k.-l. meaningful goal;

a way of psychological relaxation;

a way to satisfy the need for self-realization and self-affirmation.

Aggressiveness is a personality trait that consists in the willingness and preference to use violent means to achieve one’s goals. Aggression is the manifestation of aggressiveness in destructive actions, the purpose of which is to harm a particular person. Aggression in different individuals can have varying degrees of severity - from almost complete absence to extreme development. Probably, a harmoniously developed personality should have a certain degree of aggressiveness. The needs of individual development and social practice should form in people the ability to remove obstacles, and sometimes even to physically overcome what opposes this process. A complete lack of aggressiveness leads to pliability and inability to take an active position in life. At the same time, the excessive development of aggressiveness according to the type of accentuation begins to determine the entire appearance of the personality, turns it into a conflict person, incapable of social cooperation, and in its extreme expression is a pathology (social and clinical): aggression loses its rational-selective orientation and becomes a habitual way of behavior, manifesting itself in unjustified hostility, malice, cruelty, and negativism.

Aggressive manifestations may be:

a means to achieve a specific goal,

a way of psychological release, replacing a blocked need,

an end in itself,

a way to satisfy the need for self-realization and self-affirmation.

Thus, human aggressiveness is heterogeneous, varies from weak to extreme, and differs in its modality and purpose. It is possible to distinguish parameters of aggressiveness of various modalities, differing:

the intensity of aggression, its cruelty;

targeting a specific person or all people in general;

situationality or stability of aggressive personality tendencies.

Conventionally, we can distinguish the following types of behavior from the point of view of aggressiveness:

anti-aggression- a negative attitude towards any aggressive manifestations of a person who always tries to reconcile with people, considers it impossible for himself to beat the weak, a woman, children, a cripple; in the event of a conflict, he believes that it is better to leave, endure it, or contact the police; he defends himself only in the event of an obvious physical attack;

intense aggression motivated by the satisfaction received from performing conditionally aggressive activities (games, wrestling, competitions), without the goal of causing harm. Thus, sport is a socially acceptable form of manifestation of a person’s aggressive tendencies, a kind of release of aggression, as well as a form of self-affirmation, increasing social status and obtaining material benefits (for professional athletes);

undifferentiated aggressiveness- a mild manifestation of aggression, expressed in irritability and scandals on any occasion and with a wide variety of people, in hot temper, harshness, rudeness. But these people can reach the point of physical aggression and even domestic crime;

local aggressiveness, or impulsive, - aggression manifests itself as a direct reaction to a conflict situation, a person can verbally insult the enemy (verbal aggression), but also allows physical means of aggression, he can hit, beat, etc. The degree of general irritation is less pronounced than in the previous subtype;

conditional, instrumental aggression, associated with self-affirmation, for example in boyish romp;

hostile aggressiveness- persistent emotions of anger, hatred, envy, a person shows his hostility openly, but does not strive for a clash between the parties, real physical aggression may not be very pronounced. Hatred can be directed at a specific person; strangers can cause irritation and anger in such a person for no reason. There is a desire to humiliate another person, feeling contempt and hatred for him, but in this way gain the respect of others. He is calm in fights, and if he wins, he remembers the fight with pleasure. He can initially restrain his aggression, and then takes revenge (in various ways: slander, intrigue, physical aggression). In the event of a preponderance of forces and the likelihood of impunity, it can lead to murder. In general, he is hostile towards people;

instrumental aggression- to achieve any significant goal;

brutal aggression- violence and aggression as an end in itself, aggressive actions always exceed the actions of the enemy, are characterized by excessive cruelty and special malice: minimal reason and maximum cruelty. Such people commit especially cruel crimes;

psychopathic aggression- cruel and often senseless aggression, repeated acts of aggression (aggressive psychopath, “homicidal maniac”);

aggression motivated by group solidarity- aggression or even murder is committed as a result of the desire to follow group traditions, to establish oneself in the eyes of one’s group, the desire to gain the approval of one’s group, to show one’s strength, determination, and fearlessness. This type of aggression often occurs in groups of teenagers. Military aggression (actions of military personnel in combat conditions, killing the enemy) is a socially recognized and approved form of aggression motivated by group (or national) solidarity, social traditions of “defense of the fatherland”, “defense of certain ideas” are implemented, for example, defense of democracy, defense of law and order and etc.;

sexual aggression of varying degrees- from sexual incivility to rape or sexual abuse and murder. Freud wrote that the sexuality of most men contains an admixture of aggression, a desire to subjugate, so sadism is simply the isolation and hypertrophy of the aggressive component characteristic of normal sexuality. The connection between sex and aggression is confirmed experimentally. Endocrinologists have stated that the aggressive behavior of males and their sexual activity are determined by the influence of the same hormones - androgens, and psychologists - that pronounced components of aggressiveness are present in erotic fantasies, and partly in the sexual behavior of men. On the other hand, suppression of sexual desires, sexual dissatisfaction of people is also accompanied by an increase in irritation and aggressive impulses; A woman’s refusal to satisfy a man’s sexual desire again leads to aggression. Conditioned aggression and sexual arousal appear to interact in humans, as in some animals, to mutually reinforce each other. For example, in teenage boys, an erection often occurs during fussing or power struggle, but never in a real fight. The game of lovers, when a man seems to “hunt” a woman, overcoming her conditioned struggle and resistance, excites him very sexually, i.e. here the conventional “rapist” also acts as a seducer. But there is a group of men who can experience sexual arousal and pleasure only in the event of actual aggression, violence, beating, and humiliation of a woman. Such pathological sexuality often develops into sexual sadism and sexual murder.