Women's loneliness or why you can't find a guy. Why beautiful young women are left without men

Have you spent a lot of time and effort searching for a job? Have you sent your resume to dozens of companies? Have you gone through a bunch of interviews, but no results? Tired of searching? Are you ready to go work anywhere? First, answer yourself a few questions to understand which direction to move next and how to quickly achieve your goal.

The Hotwork team will help you figure this out.

Why do I need a job?

The main purpose of finding a place to work is money. You need to pay rent, buy food, feed your family. You understand that your financial savings are about to run out. Money is one of the main, but not the only, reasons for looking for a job. Yes, let's say you were offered a position with a good salary. But the conditions are not the best: a lot of responsibilities, a busy schedule, practically no days off. If you want to earn extra money, agree. But if you are considering such vacancies for a permanent job, think about it - is it worth it?

Are my demands too high?

In this company you are not satisfied with the salary, in that company - the schedule, in the third - you did not like the boss, in the fourth - the conditions in the office, in the fifth - something else. Don’t be naive: it’s unlikely that you will be immediately offered a job in a comfortable office with a personal secretary and a five-zero salary. In any job, you need to go through the “newbie” or “trainee” stage, become familiar with the nuances and features of the vacancy in a particular company, and join the team. If the position is promising, you will definitely achieve success if, of course, you make the effort. Review your requirements, and perhaps you will find something interesting among the proposals.

Am I presenting myself correctly?

Companies are looking for responsible, qualified specialists who are well versed in their profession and have good personal qualities.

• Summary . Check it again. Perhaps you forgot to indicate information about education, experience, or did not write contact information. Errors, typos, design – every little detail matters.
• Interview . Are you a couple of minutes late? Did you arrive with a wrinkled shirt? Are you silent? Are you very nervous? This can scare off the employer. Change your tactics. Always come to the meeting on time, watch your appearance, be collected and then everything will work out.
• Probation. You must show your best. It is especially worth trying if there are several candidates vying for the position.

In the process of interacting with a potential employer, you must show your best side and make your candidacy stand out from others.

What factors prevent me from getting a job?

Most often, this is a discrepancy between the applicant’s requests and the employer’s offers, or vice versa. Write down on paper what could have prevented the interviewer from making a decision in your favor. Be critical of yourself. If you do find shortcomings, correct them, then next time your chances of success will be higher.

Am I looking there?

So, you have sent your resume to one or more companies. Now you sit and wait? This is fundamentally wrong. There is work, but it won’t come to you on its own. Have you placed an ad in the newspaper? Already good. Register on specialized employment platforms, keep an eye on new vacancies, and don’t miss interviews.

You can become mentally burnt out not only from work, but also from searching for it. When the process drags on and you are ready to agree to anything, stop, take a break. If you are experiencing financial difficulties, agree to the most attractive offer, but do not stop searching, because work should bring not only money, but also pleasure.
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We continue the topic of finding your calling (). If you are still looking for yourself and don’t know what to do in life, then this article is for you. Let's figure out what the reasons for this situation might be and how to change it.

Let's start with the fact that people cannot find themselves for two main reasons. Either you are a very versatile person and don’t know what to choose, or you think that you are not attracted to anything at all. Let's consider the first situation. People who have a lot of interests, favorite things, hobbies, cannot find themselves precisely because of the difficulty of choice - they are torn between several directions in life. If you are just such a person, then we can only congratulate you - life is never boring for you and people are always interested in you. Your passions are the voice of your abilities. You can develop yourself in many areas and this is your advantage. The difficulty is that a large number of interests creates a “swan, crayfish and pike” situation, when you scatter your energy simultaneously on many things that are in no way related to each other. As a result, you will not get good results anywhere by scattering your efforts on one thing, then on another, then on a third. Mastery can only be achieved in the activity to which you devote maximum of your time. , attention and hard work. Therefore, make your choice as soon as possible, otherwise you will remain standing still.

Analyze which of your favorite activities could become your profession, your main activity. Look in every direction you like. In each case, imagine that this is your job, and monitor your feelings - if you could do this all day, five days a week, would you be able to charge money for it. Choose what suits you best as a permanent job option. Leave other favorite activities as hobbies. Do these simple reflections, and everything will become clear to you right away.

Next, begin to act in the direction you have chosen to finally make sure that your decision is correct. It is in the process of activity that you will finally understand whether this is your business or not yours. Get additional education if necessary. If you need new knowledge, take, for example, courses or engage in self-education.
The main thing is to start developing in what you have chosen, take small practical steps every day. Just tell yourself: “This is what I do in life. Now". Nobody says that later you won’t be able to change your decision. You can always change it. You just need to start moving towards something, choose one thing from this large number of your favorite activities and start devoting maximum of your time to it.

Now let's talk about the second group of people. About those who generally have a vague idea of ​​what they want. As a rule, they quickly lose interest in everything, live as if by inertia and have already stopped believing that they have their own calling, or never believed in it. I declare with all responsibility that it cannot be that a person does not have a calling. Each person has his own calling. Understand that you are unique, there is no one else like you! In nature, there are no two identical snowflakes, just as there are no two identical people. Even twins, although outwardly similar, are completely different, unique personalities inside. And every person has some unique hidden talent, often more than one. Your task is to find your talents and understand what your main feature is. After all a person is happy when he is not just a faceless cog in the system, but when he can give his uniqueness to the world.

How to detect them? Agree, every person always has activities that bring joy, that cause pleasant excitement, inspiration, and enthusiasm. It just happens that limiting social attitudes acquired in the family, in your social circle, have become so ingrained in your consciousness that for you these activities seem like something frivolous or impossible, and you do not perceive them as a possible option for your activity.

Think about what inspires you? What activities bring you moral satisfaction? What are you unconsciously drawn to? - You collect information about this, but keep putting it off until later. When you experience a feeling of pleasant excitement (and not a feeling of boredom), when your thoughts begin to unwind in this direction. Inspiration is the sister of vocation.

We are not now considering a situation where a person does not want anything at all, when he is depressed or apathetic. It is clear that in such periods there is no time to search for purpose. Here you just need to restore vitality, restore the desire to live.

We take the case when a person is mentally healthy, he just hasn’t found his path yet and thinks that he is not drawn to anything. In fact, this is an illusion, the inertia of the mind, the belief with which a person has become accustomed and considers it part of his personality, perceives it as his reality. Start thinking differently. Create a new image of yourself - one who knows what his purpose is. Stop rushing around and getting upset. Your image should always go ahead of reality. Think outside the box - don't be afraid of bold ideas. Repeat as often as possible: “I know what my purpose is. I know what I want to do in life. Life shows me my path, sends me signs, guides and leads me to my goal.” Or ask yourself a question, ask directly: “What is my calling? What is my main goal? Go to sleep and wake up with this question, and your subconscious will find a way to tell you the answer. In fact, all the answers are already within you. Stop looking around and look inside yourself.

Anna Handel

What traits we unconsciously look for in a potential partner, how our brain gives the signal to “fall in love”, why you can’t lie on the first date and what intuition is - Mikhail Baev, a leading Russian expert in the field of nonverbal communication, psychotherapist and graduate, told us about this and much more. "Paul Ackman Group" (the company whose activities formed the basis of the plot of the series "Lie to Me").

About falling in love

We often meet new people, and it happens that one person, seemingly quite nice and charming, is unpleasant to us, while another, perhaps not the brightest in appearance, immediately evokes sympathy, it is easy and comfortable to be with him. On the street, we will turn to one for help, but never to another. Yes, even on the subway, we choose who to sit next to and who not to sit next to.

If you think that this is something from a series of energy and extrasensory perception, that certain “fluids” or “flows” come from a person, then you are mistaken. Everything is absolutely material and amenable to mathematical analysis. The fact is that the facial expression of another person is perceived by us subconsciously. When we see a person, our brain instantly reads information: microfacial expressions, microemotions, tension in certain areas of the face.

Our brain always scans the facial expressions of the interlocutor, we see, and accordingly, “copy”, try on his feelings for ourselves and... We feel his deep essence, what kind of person he is: kind - evil, cunning - simple-minded, selfish - altruist, arrogant - accepting , greedy - generous. That is, our brain, regardless of our consciousness, understands the true internal state of the interlocutor, even if he tries to show us something different. All this, I repeat, happens unconsciously. And if the sensations are negative, then what positive can there be?

In principle, if you have a video recording, then knowing the parameters by which you need to calculate, you can see it all yourself, making a storyboard in slow motion.

There are certain traits that, as it seems to us, we do not show externally, but they are always read by other men and women, and set the basis for our image. Firstly, it is positivity, both in men and women. This positivity is not in terms of emotional disinhibition, but in the combination of expressed emotions: how natural they are. If our facial expressions correspond to our true inner state, then the person looks harmonious and natural, but if they are in dissonance, then we will have a feeling of falsehood. That is why there are women and girls who are outwardly attractive, with a wonderful character at first glance, but they remain lonely, no one wants to get closer to them. The reason is a lie. To yourself and/or others. Her internal state and external behavior differ. A hypothetical partner cannot “believe” that the woman wants to “convey” who she is. Everyone wants sincerity!

Secondly, it is important how harmonious the combination of positive and negative emotions is in a person, how absent emotions of dominance are, such as contempt and anger. And if these negative emotions manifest themselves, how natural are they, are they dynamic, is this a mask?

About emotional intelligence

There is such a thing as understanding your emotions. When we talk about joy, we mean a separate incident, an event, in a narrow sense. And there is such a thing as emotional competence or emotional intelligence, whichever you like, I personally prefer emotional competence. She is what is called “speaking”, that is, I can see emotions, both in others and in myself, I can control my emotions, I feel them. If we talk about negative emotions, we can quote the Dalai Lama: “In many cases, it is enough to become aware of a negative emotion for it to stop.” The same goes for positive emotions. You shouldn’t artificially try to fill yourself with some kind of positive, pump yourself up with positive emotions, otherwise it begins to resemble some version of zombification: “The world is beautiful, we are all so positive and good...” In fact, the world is cruel, it is filled with a variety of emotions. At a minimum, we just need to understand them. And also - learn to manage emotions and be able to stop them. You can learn to categorize and then manage your states! But first, we must be able to understand, name, what we feel - if we know - then we already have a little control.

There is another interesting point from my practice related to “artificial emotions”: for example, Botox helps get rid of depression. And it’s not about improving mood and self-esteem. Botox blocks muscle contraction, and this directly affects facial activity. “Sad face” becomes not sad. The point is not to lift the mood, but that the blocked muscles can no longer express sadness, no matter how much the brain wants it, and it stops sending these signals. That’s why psychologists advise driving away “universal sorrow”, which, by the way, also does not attract others to us, from one’s face through an effort of will in order to lift one’s mood (the same mechanism, but it works more slowly).

About rejection

Artificiality always causes hostility. It always entails some tension. Firstly, the smiles themselves do not look the way they should look. For example, a combination of a smile with contempt, with a desire to dominate. Or, as an option, a person wanted to show his beautiful upper teeth, but the result was a smile with a grin and so on. And if we talk about sectarians who constantly involve us somewhere, then their hyperactivity and “positivity” coupled with a forced smile is simply impossibly false and unnatural.

The most powerful repulsive emotion is contempt. “I am higher than you on the hierarchy ladder.” And this always causes rejection. Even disgust is not so repulsive. We may feel disgusted by insects, human products, etc. Disgust is not divided into hierarchies, but with contempt everything is different. Contempt shows: “I’m cooler than you, you’re a nonentity.”

Another “thorn” in our behavior is mannerism. Its manifestations (in common parlance – “antics”: bow lips, wiggling eyebrows and other pretentious facial movements) disrupt naturalness, which leads to dissonance in a person’s perception. For example, a person makes movements with his lip, opening his teeth, the emotion of contempt appears on his face, although in this moment he doesn't experience it, it's just a habit of grimacing. There is a concept of “brain hiccups”, this is when we cannot understand what is happening, and it is repulsive, and this is precisely about mannerism.

About first impression

The first impression is very important, it’s not for nothing that they talk so much about it. When we meet, we evaluate behavior completely, multifacetedly. We instantly evaluate dozens of parameters: whether a person is positive, whether we are comfortable with him, how dominant he is. Plus, we unconsciously analyze not what a person says, but how he speaks: timbre, intonation, focus of language (ways of constructing speech, this is psycholinguistics), his gestures (non-verbal), what place he occupies on the hierarchical ladder, how truthful he is. Also, accordingly, we compare with our “reference template”: whether the interlocutor evokes aesthetic feelings in us. If all our requests for the “punch card of desires” are satisfied, then we like the man or woman.

Then, when we begin to communicate more closely, we see how well a person behaves, whether his model of behavior suits us and whether he corresponds to our ideas. I completely agree with psychiatrist Alexei Filatov, who in his book “On External and Internal Reference” talks about what is important for each personality type, what signals each of us pays attention to. If all our criteria are satisfied, then emotional intimacy arises. Moreover, what I like, you may not like and vice versa.

And, by the way, it is not gender differences that are of paramount importance here, but the difference in our preferences. It’s just that people are formed differently, grow up in different environments, we are all biologically different, some qualities are better developed than others. And everyone is looking for harmony, resonance, coincidence with themselves. And attracts its own. I am sure that everyone who is looking for their happiness will find it. There will be enough for everyone, because we are all different, but our needs are also different.

All this, as I already said, our brain reads in the process of communication in a split second, quickly. He has criteria by which he does this quite easily. But we cannot track this, and therefore we are sure that our intuition does it.

On the role of intuition

Intuition is a completely separate issue. The fact is that one of the Nobel Prizes in the field of psychology that is significant for us was received by Daniel Kahneman, who wrote the book “Thinking Slowly. Decide quickly." This is one of the most influential works that I recommend reading, where it is written about the errors of our internal sensations, about the errors of intuition. It often seems to us that we intuitively decide correctly, but in fact, it’s just easier for our brain to work this way.

If we relied only on “animal instinct,” then we would be animals. After all, what is the difference between a person and an animal? The fact is that we have another system - we have emotions. We can be aware of what we feel, what we see, and we can and must control it.

Men wonder why a pretty girl can't find a guy. Everyone has an acquaintance or girlfriend who is considered beautiful, but she is lonely. AND for a long time nothing changes - attempts to get closer to her lead nowhere.

Reasons for the loneliness of beauties

Why can’t a pretty-looking girl find a decent guy? In search of arguments, it is possible to reach the depths of psychological analysis. There is a chance that the girl refused because you are not rich or good-looking enough. But prolonged loneliness of a person indicates problems within himself. I will list the reasons why ladies do not find a partner:

• Friend zone lover. There are women who love to run through the chamomile field of the friend zone. They want a relationship, but guys automatically become friends. At the same time, women often have a love for egoists with whom the union does not work out.
• . If a woman has impossible demands on others, but not on herself, she remains alone. For her chosen one, she has serious needs: career growth, earnings, appearance, and love and care. But she doesn't know what to offer in return.
• Fears. Perhaps the beauty has internal fears related to relationships. She is afraid of them and avoids them in every possible way. It could be a childhood trauma or a bad breakup.
• Unfeminine behavior. Such a friend cannot be called a lady. She behaves like a man and cannot be associated with femininity. A lady of this type shares problems on male topics, loves football, has no girlfriends, wears loose clothes, talks about love with disdain.

What do you think?

It takes a lot of effort to attract the attention of such a person. She soon gets used to loneliness, which is difficult to go beyond. But nothing is impossible if a person is interesting. Share your life stories in the comments, they will certainly be useful to readers!

Think about what criteria you put forward for your chosen one? Of course, every woman has her own ideal. For some, this is a knight without fear or reproach, while others dream of a bad guy with a pure and vulnerable soul. Be that as it may, everyone knows what they would like. But not every girl understands that ideal people do not exist. I can't find a guy, why are they so bad? - some ladies ask. Isn’t it worth considering that everything in the world is relative? If a man throws socks around the house and snores, but at the same time carries them in his arms, then is it worth looking for the ideal or is it better to love the real one?

Princes exist only in fairy tales and tearful melodramas. In real life, every man has shortcomings, as, by the way, every woman. But we often don’t notice our problems, but in others we see every little thing, every mistake. Of course, you shouldn’t rush at every crosser you meet, but it doesn’t make sense to set too high standards either. You can dream about the ideal all your life and end up alone, missing out on just good, reliable guys.

The opposite case is when a woman is ready to be with anyone and forgive everything. Men don't need a doormat on their knees. Such girls do not awaken the hunter's instincts, and interest in them quickly disappears. That’s why, if you understand that you are ready to unquestioningly do everything a guy says, immediately start working on yourself, otherwise you will only be used and pushed away.

There is also a category of women who love to be “their boyfriend” and “bro.” Such ladies have a lot of friends who love and appreciate them. But only as a friend. The fact is that brotherly relationships with men make them forget that you are a girl.

Of course, you can drink beer from your throat and walk around in a stretched tracksuit in front of your close friends, but under no circumstances should you behave this way in front of a potential boyfriend. If you initially position yourself as a friend, it is unlikely that anything can influence this first impression. That is why, learn to be feminine. If you are going on a date or to a company where the object of your attention will be, wear high-heeled shoes, choose elegant outfits and don’t even think about talking about how you went fishing with the boys on the weekend and fought with local dull comrades. Even if this is your ordinary, normal, familiar life, a man should not know about it. He can only see in you a tender, vulnerable, beautiful flower, and not a cactus, which can quickly calm anyone down with the help of a bat. Men need to protect and protect their lady. Women are very cunning creatures. That is why we can skillfully combine the tomboy and the madam, we just need to try a little.

It’s also worth remembering that normal guys love smart women. And if you can tell Monet from Manet, it will certainly work to your advantage. You always need to educate yourself and develop spiritually. Not a single woman has ever been hindered by knowledge of literature, music, art and other forms of art. A worthy young man can always start a conversation about something like this, and will be pleasantly surprised if you can easily support him.

Perhaps you think that you don't have a boyfriend because your appearance is not as ideal as you want. This is another big female mistake. A man will never love someone who despises herself. They feel our complexes, like fear dogs. That is why, under no circumstances should you show dislike for yourself in front of guys. Instead of telling all men how terrible you are, it's better to just take care of yourself. This way your self-esteem will increase and your shortcomings will disappear.

Every girl can be made attractive. If you don’t like your figure, do aerobics and go to the gym. If you're not happy with your hairstyle, change your shampoo, make masks, change your haircut, recolor your hair. If you think you haven’t turned out well, experiment with makeup and choose the one that will highlight your strengths and hide your flaws.

You just need to find your zest and learn to use it. Of course, you have to spend time and money on this, but it's worth it. They even made Katya Pushkareva into a completely pretty lady, but you are better than this heroine. So why not try a little and become a beautiful swan. Remember that your destiny is always in your hands, and only you can change it for the better or for the worse.

In order to increase self-esteem, you can engage in auto-training. There are many different techniques. In addition, you can come up with training yourself. You just need to tell yourself what you can and should believe. External beauty is not the key to success with men. In addition to her, you must have faith in yourself and love for yourself. If you constantly convince yourself that you are worthy of love, one day you will be able to believe it, and then life will begin to improve. The main thing is to never give up and never give up. Success doesn't come overnight. You need to work on yourself in order to ultimately achieve the desired result.

A guy can like every woman, but not everyone knows how to use her femininity and present herself correctly. It is because of this that problems arise on the personal front.

Love yourself, value yourself, know how to emphasize your merits, and then the one and only will definitely appear in your life, with whom you will be incredibly happy. But simply saying that I can’t find someone who will appreciate me, love me, carry me in their arms, etc. is the lot of weak and insecure women who are waiting for happiness from heaven. Which will just fall on their heads one day. But Heaven is not always generous with such gifts. Sometimes you have to fight for your happiness for a long time.