home Auditorium 7 Love yourself with your own hands. About self-dislike. They often say: “What you put out is what you get!”

Love yourself with your own hands. About self-dislike. They often say: “What you put out is what you get!”

Various kinds of publications have long and firmly established themselves on our Russian book market, the meaning of which boils down to the fact that they are trying to teach us how to live correctly. Let’s leave it to the conscience of Western authors to have catchy book titles like “How to learn to love yourself,” “How to instantly get rich and become a powerful person,” or “How to succeed in life and make it more harmonious.”

It is clear that publishers are using bait titles to attract potential readers and increase future book circulation. But if it were only this... Alas! The paradox is that the psychology of Western thinking actually assumes that any problem can be solved, you just need to know how to approach it. Find the treasured key that opens this door. And find it as soon as possible. Time doesn't wait.

How to learn to love and be loved

Without going into the subtleties of the differences between Russian and Western types of thinking, we can confine ourselves to the well-known words of Rudyard Kipling: “West is West, East is East, and together they cannot come together.” This is the absolute truth, we really cannot come together either today or in the foreseeable future . It is often difficult for us to even understand each other... And such a complex question as how to learn to love yourself requires a very detailed approach.

American and European pragmatism approaches a person as a complex mechanism where all the details are in clear interaction. This means that by influencing certain parts of this mechanism, you can achieve the desired result: “press the button - you will get the result, and your dream will come true.”

The Russian understanding of the human soul and psychology is traditionally different, sometimes paradoxical. It is not for nothing that the “mysterious Russian soul” has become a proverb; It’s not for nothing that “exotic” Russian classics are so popular in the West, upending all the usual ideas - Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Chekhov.

Truths like “wealth is good, poverty is evil”, “if you don’t get an adequate response from your loved one, break up with him”, etc. are ambiguous for us. The heroines and heroes of our favorite novels often behave irrationally, and this is their charm.

I dwelled on this in detail because I wanted to immediately warn the reader: do not delude yourself that you can instantly learn to love yourself and, like the Frog Princess from a fairy tale, shed your old skin and become a beautiful princess. The path to changing your own personality is long and difficult.

It is very important to understand how to achieve self-love and why. The ideal person in the understanding of Western authors is a person who goes through life towards his goal, regardless of other people and circumstances. And he pops the obstacles and obstacles that arise like seeds, leaving those around him with a feeling of slight shock and dizziness (from healthy pressure and pragmatism).

A striking example of applied psychology in the American way is old Carnegie with his advice on influencing people and making friends (read “crutches” that will help you move through life) and countless remarks: “Smile, smile, smile...”

But we will take a different path, and Carnegie is not our decree. The Russian mentality is different. In our country, the most important thing has always been the inner, spiritual life of a person, and not wealth or career, although recently priorities, of course, have changed a lot.

Becoming a different person in my understanding does not mean turning into a soulless mechanism that actively reacts to external stimuli and quickly changes them in accordance with its goals and objectives.

Becoming a different person means realizing your “I”, your individuality and, ultimately, understanding what you really need from this life. Just for you, and not for mom, dad, neighbors, or work colleagues.

Why you need to love yourself

Why is this really important and why is the crisis in this sense beneficial and even necessary in order to generally learn to love yourself and improve your life? The fact is that a crisis is often an indicator that signals either that you are living incorrectly, or that you are confused in your life guidelines and do not know where to go next. It’s no secret that in fact most of us live according to the principle “like everyone else” or act under the pressure of those people whose opinion turns out to be the most important at the moment.

A simple and clear example. You can't count the women who got married because:

“All my friends are in pairs, I’m the only one.” Disorder!
My mother, grandmother, aunt and my beloved dog Dzhulka liked it. I will not disappoint anyone and will bring joy to my mother, grandmother, aunt and beloved dog Dzhulka.
He was my friend's boyfriend, and I took him away from her. Wow, I'm cool! (As a rule, in such cases, a marriage falls apart at the speed of a meteorite rushing at full speed towards the Earth. Bam sir - and fall! Lord, who is this next to me?! What kind of horror in the flesh is this?! Get out ! Shoot!)
He walked and walked with me, and then he married Svetka, whom I considered my best friend. I cried and cried and finally decided to marry Kolya, who had been courting me for a long time. I'll show everyone that I'm not alone! Kolya, come here, I’ll make you happy now...

The situations are very familiar. Perhaps one of them is yours. How can you learn to love yourself? Speaking seriously, it turns out that we live some part of our lives, as if paying tribute to other people’s schemes, without thinking about whether we really want this? Perhaps, if we had asked ourselves this question and tried to answer it honestly, we would have acted differently and would not have reaped after some time the bitter fruits of our own stupidity or, more precisely, irresponsibility. How can we make sure that no one can manipulate us and impose their thoughts and actions?

To do this, you must first of all learn to love yourself, say “no,” defending your right to your own understanding of life and, what is also important, precious time, of which each of us is not given so much. Remember a few simple rules.

Before you take on any task, think carefully: do you need it, or is it a well-camouflaged task from a friend, colleague, or just an acquaintance.

Having realized that you, by and large, do not need this, politely refuse, but do not apologize or invent excuses for yourself - in this case, you will still experience a latent feeling of guilt; which means that next time they will push you harder, and you will agree.

Remember that the refusal should be polite but firm. You must demonstrate your position to the interlocutor and let him understand: persuading you is a waste of time.

Why can't you love yourself?

Why is it important to be able to say “no” when someone is trying to take advantage of you? Yes, because this is your first step towards clearly delineating the boundaries of your personality. In this way, you, as it were, create a space for yourself in which from now on you will act at your own discretion and in accordance with your needs.

Therefore, we will still have to learn this most difficult of arts - self-love. And there is no escape from this. A crisis is like a desperate SOS signal that our “I” sends to us, begging us to pay attention to it. Where to start? How to learn to love yourself?

With a little psychological warm-up, which should be done every day at any convenient time. For some it will be better to do this in the morning, before the start of the working day, for others - in the evening before bed.

You must stand in front of a large mirror and look at yourself carefully. Imagine that in place of your reflection is an unfamiliar woman whom you are seeing for the first time. Here it is very important to step back from yourself, as if to leave the boundaries of the body and observe yourself from the outside. Only in this case the exercise will be effective. Slowly move your gaze over yourself, starting with your feet. Look at every part of your body with admiring eyes, find something beautiful in it and express your admiration out loud or to yourself. For example:

I like my legs, they are slender and long (option: not very long, but beautifully shaped, etc.) I look and admire them, I like that they are tireless and often help me out in life. I like to highlight their shape and beauty, so I wear miniskirts (long skirts with a sexy cut, tight pants).

I like my hands, narrow graceful fingers, reminiscent of the noble hands of a pianist (soft rounded hands, like Titian’s women). I enjoy sliding my fingers across the computer keyboard, at this moment I admire them. I also like to look at my hands at breakfast when I drink coffee...

How to learn to love yourself? There are many options here. The main thing is that the words come from your soul; sincere, trusting intonation is important here; you are talking with your body and admiring it. You look at him from the position of a man in love, who is awed and moved by absolutely everything, and he is ready to tirelessly lavish compliments on his beloved.

Let's move on to the face. You must find some zest in it, something that is unique to you and no one else. You should never compare yourself to someone, either in your thoughts or out loud. This applies not only to movie stars or catwalk beauties, but also to the people around you.

If you look at your appearance from these perspectives, you can always find a woman who has something better than you. Marina B. has longer legs, and Tanya P. has a more beautiful face shape. You need to fall in love with yourself, with who you are.

Of course, you can engage in self-improvement, go to fitness clubs or attend aerobics classes, but in no case should you think that happiness will come when you achieve an ideal figure. Firstly, an ideal is an ideal because it is difficult to achieve. Secondly, fashion for one or another body type is constantly changing. And thirdly, where is the guarantee that the taste of your chosen one coincides with your chosen ideal?

You will have to learn to love yourself here and now. If in the fifties of the last century the standard for women and the dream for men of the globe was Marilyn Monroe with her rounded forms, then in the sixties the whole world was shocked by the Englishwoman Mary Quant, who invented the miniskirt as a symbol of female sexuality and independence.

The eccentric Englishwoman brought to the catwalk the new model Twiggy, who resembled a teenage girl with a flat chest and skinny hips. And it seems that the fashion world is still suffering from twiggymania, although lately in life and in the modeling business there has been a return to a more feminine silhouette.

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem

Take a closer look at yourself in the mirror. Not once or twice. Realize your individuality and praise your face precisely for its uniqueness. You won't need much time.

After you have been regularly doing this psychological exercise for two or three weeks, you can move on to positive attitudes for every day. I would call this exercise “good mood” or “sunny bunny”.

We seem to charge ourselves with good positive energy for the whole day. Why don't I give this exercise right away? The fact is that tuning into creating your own positive image requires so much emotional strength that it is better to focus only on it at first. Only after mastering the first psychological exercise, move on to the next one.

In the morning, without getting out of bed, stretch and say to yourself: “Good morning.” Then close your eyes and imagine a green summer meadow, generously flooded with sun. Imagine it in detail: tall, bright green grass, where strawberry bushes, dark red berries, lilac-violet bells, pink clover, yellow buttercups lurk...

Feel the smell of herbs and fragrant flowers heated by the sun. Feel this life-giving energy flowing into you (green and yellow are the most therapeutic colors). With every cell of your body you feel warmth and light, it’s as if you are bathing in this stream of dazzling light...

Lie like this for ten minutes, then slowly get out of this state and go about your morning routine. Don’t think about the work ahead, or about any worries of the coming day, or even about the fact that you urgently need to learn to love yourself. You must cross the threshold of your apartment in a state that you have just created for yourself.

Many girls and women have a serious problem - they do not love and value themselves enough. Some of them wonder why others are more fortunate in their personal lives and careers, while they are doing poorly, despite their best efforts. Most often this happens precisely because of self-dislike!

If you don't love yourself, no one will love you

The golden rule has long been known that if you do not love yourself, then your chances are very low that someone else will show this feeling to you. Of course, we are not talking about narcissism, but you shouldn’t forget about yourself either. As a rule, people who place themselves lower than others end up receiving less, which means they feel disadvantaged, which is why they often plunge into depression. Being in such a state, it is difficult for a person to arouse interest in someone, much less delight. A depressed person is immersed in his thoughts, limiting himself in contacts, and, accordingly, in those people who could love them. It is difficult to argue with the fact that people who value themselves and love them always find time to take care of themselves and pamper themselves yourself with something. Naturally, in this case, they usually always look good and are more often than others in a good mood, which undoubtedly attracts others. Self-love is a huge power, and many problems in life arise precisely from the lack of this bright feeling for oneself. You can avoid many breakups, conflicts, misunderstandings and disappointments by simply learning to treat yourself with love.

What does it mean to love yourself

1. Take care of yourself Self-love manifests itself in many aspects, and one of them is caring for your health, well-being, and so on. Often we are ready to make unjustified sacrifices, even at the cost of our health. An example would be a woman who works extremely hard to provide for her family, while her husband doesn’t even think about straining. When shouldering such burdens, be prepared for not the most pleasant health consequences. Also a good example: a woman feels unwell, but is in no hurry to go to the doctor, hoping that everything will “resolve itself” and the money would be better spent on New Year’s gifts. Remember that your health is very important, and inattention to yourself threatens to develop into truly serious problems. 2. Comfort and reassure yourself Don't expect anyone else to do it for you. Of course, such a development is not excluded, but you should always be ready to take care of yourself. Do it as you would do for a loved one. Your day is not going well, but the evening promises to be no less difficult - household chores and so on? Postpone all your worries for later, and in the meantime, allow yourself to calm down after a hard day or an unpleasant trip. Take a bath, drink a hot drink, watch an episode of your favorite TV series - in general, do something that usually helps you regain your lost balance. Even if you think there are more important things to do right now, you can probably put them off. 3. Pamper yourself If you are an inherent self-sacrificing person, but at the same time you prefer to ignore your own needs, then this could become a serious problem for you, or maybe it already has. Indulge your weaknesses sometimes. Buy yourself the goodies you love, pamper yourself with new cosmetics, treatments from a cosmetologist, and self-care at home. Give yourself small and large gifts. 4. Accept yourself Some people do not love themselves, believing that they simply do not deserve love because of some shortcomings. Perhaps these shortcomings are far-fetched, or perhaps the real essence does not change. If you don’t like something about yourself, and you can’t change it in any way, then the only sure way out is to accept your peculiarity and even love it! Are you unhappy with your height? Think about the benefits it gives you. And so on. It is worth noting that most of the shortcomings can still be corrected or corrected in a certain way. If some feature bothers you, try to find a way to fix it, it will really be easier for you to live and love yourself after that!

I don't like myself, what should I do?

1. Love without a reason Realize that you don't need a special reason to love yourself. Even if you have not distinguished yourself with special achievements, do not have amazing talents or spectacular appearance, this is not a reason to treat yourself worse than anyone else. There is no one else like you in the world, every person is special, and you should appreciate your own uniqueness. 2. Forgive past mistakes Come to terms with the past, and realize what lessons you can learn from it. Some people are prejudiced against themselves because of past mistakes. If you also often think about what happened once, then this is not a very good sign. Learn to let go of the past, learning useful lessons from it, but not bringing it into your present life. 3. Don't compare yourself Don't think that someone is better than you just because they have more achievements in some area. Such comparisons can be made endlessly - both in your favor and in others. Everyone has different capabilities and abilities, and that's okay. The only person with whom it makes sense to compete is yourself. You can improve any skills, appearance, etc., but you should not do this by looking up to someone else. 4. Don't overestimate others Often what prevents us from loving ourselves is the fact that someone else is more successful, more beautiful, and the like. This point follows from the previous one. Perhaps another person is more accomplished than you in some ways, but you probably have an advantage in other things. And in general, should it matter more to you how others live than your own life?

5. Take care of your health Taking care of your own health is one of the first steps on the path to self-love. Play sports, eat right, and get outdoors regularly. Do not forget to undergo regular examinations, protect yourself from cold and heat, thereby you can subsequently avoid unnecessary problems. 6. Don't communicate with people you don't like If possible, minimize or completely eliminate communication with people who are unpleasant to you and undermine your faith in your own strengths and capabilities or somehow lower your self-esteem. Contacts with such individuals will definitely not bring you any benefit, but will only spoil your mood.

How to learn to respect yourself - where to start

1. Increase self-esteem The first thing is to improve your self-esteem. Usually a person’s self-esteem increases after some at least small achievement. This could be going to the gym, doing 20 squats at home, cooking a new dish, or attending a master class. Be open to new knowledge and positive experiences, and this will have a positive effect on your self-esteem. 2. Always be a confident person By increasing your self-esteem, you will undoubtedly be able to become more confident in yourself. Even if you have not developed this quality now, learn not to show it. Try to at least outwardly behave confidently, and gradually it will become a habit. 3. Start to value yourself Let go of all negative thoughts and blame about yourself. Accept that ideal people simply do not exist! You have been given your life, and if you wish, you can make it happy and comfortable. Don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do to please someone. Your task is, first of all, to improve your own life, and not to live up to someone else’s expectations. 4. Advice and recommendations from a psychologist One of the important points on the path to self-respect is to stop tolerating what causes you discomfort. For example, a friend likes to tell long and uninteresting stories on the phone for a long time, and with her reasoning she “takes away” the lion’s share of your evening, after which you do not have time to do what you really needed. Realizing that now the telephone conversation is really distracting you, interrupt the narrator, for example, with these words: “Marina, I’m sorry, my neighbor came to see me here, let’s call you at another time.” Although you can tell the truth - you are about to take a bath, start cooking dinner, or even just take a nap! Don't assume that your needs are less important than someone else's desire to talk. The same advice can be applied to those who are smoke intolerant but tolerate smoking in their car or kitchen, or to those who are upset by unsolicited advice but continues to listen to them. Feel free to say what makes you uncomfortable.

How can a woman or girl develop self-love?

Truly love yourself and your appearance

Even if you don’t like some features of your appearance, you shouldn’t focus your attention on them. If there is an opportunity to correct something that you do not like, then do not neglect it if it really poisons your life. If there is no such possibility, then there is no point in thinking about what cannot be changed. It is possible that your complexes are completely far-fetched, but now we are not talking about that. Surely you have undoubted advantages that you can always emphasize. Think more about these features of yours. Learn to take care of your appearance, and over time you will increasingly like your own reflection in the mirror. Don’t forget about home self-care procedures and periodically visit beauty salons to take care of your skin and hair. Do not forget about visits to the dentist, who will preserve the beauty of your smile and so on. If you have skin problems, then it is possible that they need to be solved not in a cosmetologist’s office, but in a dermatologist. Many girls and women suffer for years from a problem that can often be resolved in a few days. Once you start taking careful care of your appearance, you will, of course, love yourself more.

You need to accept yourself as you are

Don’t try to meet someone’s beauty standards, remember your individuality. The same applies to character, place of work, and so on. Of course, all these aspects, if possible, should be improved, but only in order to make your own life easier, and not to fit into someone else’s idea of the ideal. If you are quiet and modest by nature, then someone may consider you uptight and insecure, while others may find you charmingly shy. If you are a sociable girl, then someone may decide that you are the life of the party, while others may think you are an upstart. It's impossible to please everyone, but you can learn to live in harmony with yourself.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking action.

Self-pity is a very unproductive feeling that can do little to help. Of course, sometimes it’s not superfluous to feel sorry for yourself and console yourself, but this should not be the limit. If you find yourself in a situation that causes you regret, then you need to do everything possible to get out of this situation and try not to allow it to happen again, then you can not feel sorry for yourself, but be proud of yourself.

Psychological technique - easy steps on the way to yourself

To love yourself, it is important to learn to listen to your desires and needs. If you often have to give in to someone to your detriment, then this will not bode well for you later. These can be any little things: choosing a dish in a cafe, an inconvenient meeting time for you, constantly lending money to an unthrifty friend, a job you don’t like, and the like. If you regularly do something that disgusts you, then this threatens you, at the very least, with a spoiled mood. Listen to your desires, and if you understand that you don’t want to do something, and in general, you don’t have to, then you should listen to your desire.

Is it possible to teach a person to love himself and other people?

Of course, in order to find internal and external harmony, it is important to learn to love not only yourself, but also the people around you. So, start with self-love first:

If something makes you anxious, and in your thoughts you have already predicted the most unpleasant development of events, then you probably do this quite often and you need to deal with it! Don't think about anything bad unless you know for sure that it happened. Hope for a favorable outcome. But even if something bad happens, don’t dwell on the negatives, but look for ways to solve the problem. If some gloomy thoughts come into your head, consciously change their direction and think about something pleasant. Surely you have virtues that deserve praise. Remind yourself of them regularly, and you can even write them down on a piece of paper so that you can periodically remind yourself of your important qualities. For example: “I’m lucky!”, “I’m smart!”, “I’m charismatic!”, “I’m responsible!”, and the like. You would probably be horrified if you counted how much time it took you to replay dialogues spoken long ago in your head, imagine how you would respond now, and so on. Get rid of the unpleasant past from your head! Moments that caused you pain or discomfort are not worthy of popping up again and again in your life. As soon as bad thoughts begin to creep up on you again, think about something else, switch yourself to more pleasant thoughts. You can think about what to give your loved one for the next holiday, where to go for the weekend or on vacation, and other pleasant moments. By learning to free your mind from negative thoughts, you can not only be more loyal to yourself, but also, most likely, change your attitude towards the people around you. What is worth paying attention to for those who experience a lack of love for others. Do not expect from others what is characteristic of you. Every person has the right to live the way he likes! For example, you are used to waking up at six in the morning, and you don’t understand how someone can sleep until ten in the morning, even if the person does not need to go anywhere before that time. Of course, you do not forget to periodically express your bewilderment and give advice on sleep patterns. Believe me, such advisers are very annoying. Take life more simply, don’t put strict limits on someone just because you live differently. Understand that if someone does not follow the rules that you are trying to follow, this does not mean that this person is bad - he is just different. Even if someone annoys you intolerably, try to minimize this feeling. In addition, often the object of irritation may not be aware of your feelings, and with these negative emotions you only add extra stress to your life. Think about what positive aspects this person has for which you can feel sympathy for him. If you believe that there are no such parties, then it means that you have not looked for them well. Don't be biased, and try to see the good in others first.

Psychology: how to make yourself better and learn to live joyfully for yourself

If you want to feel better about yourself, then you should become better - as you can see, the pattern here is quite simple! At the same time, you don’t need to chase some mythical ideal and far-fetched image - you can bring a lot of changes into your life without any losses, it will only be a joy to you. So where to start? 1. Sports You've probably already heard that regular exercise not only has a beneficial effect on your health, but also contributes to the production of the “happiness hormone”. Many people notice that no matter how bad the day is, an hour in the gym significantly improves their mood and redirects their attention perfectly. Those who exercise in the morning tend to feel much better than usual during the following day. Of course, you don’t have to go to the gym if you are not interested in such a pastime - you can run in the park, swim in the pool, attend yoga classes, and so on. If you wish, you can choose something to your liking. 2. Enrich your knowledge For many people, school and student years are the most active time for acquiring knowledge, but it is important to constantly enrich yourself with new interesting information. If now you don’t have lessons or lectures, this means that you can choose the material that interests you. Go to exhibitions, sign up for excursions, master classes and the like. Learn something new regularly - this will have a positive impact on your self-esteem and will make you a more interesting person to others. 3. Pay attention to others It's hard to become a better person without caring about someone. There are many options! You can shelter, treat and raise a homeless kitten who will become a true friend for you. You can adopt an animal from a shelter or simply periodically help some local organization to protect our little brothers. It is equally important to pay attention to loved ones - delighting elderly relatives with visits and gifts, making surprises for children, and so on. The more kindness you give, the happier you will begin to feel - try it! 4. Don't spread negativity It is important not only not to spread negativity, but also to stop other people, especially loved ones, from doing so. If a person dear to you is worried and escalates the situation, do not support this, try to convince him that everything will work out, switch his attention. You yourself also give up the habit of “crying” about your troubles. This way you not only create an aura of negativity around yourself, but also spoil the mood of other people, and there is nothing good about that. 5. Set goals for yourself Moreover, please note that it is important not only to set goals for yourself, but also not to forget to achieve them. Would you like to finally visit abroad? Write down on a piece of paper, point by point, what needs to be done for this - now this is your plan! Determine the deadlines for the implementation of your plans and act! Do the same if you want to lose weight, gain muscle mass, learn to dance, grow healthy and beautiful hair, and so on. 6. Don’t put off solving problems If you are faced with any problem, then it is unreasonable in this situation to simply think positively and do nothing. Remember that any small problem can grow into a serious problem. Don't try to forget about unresolved issues by constantly moving them to later. It’s difficult just to start, but as soon as you get down to business and finish it, you can once again be glad that you freed yourself from unnecessary thoughts and experiences that would still remain in the subconscious.

Hello my dear loved ones! Sasha Bogdanova is on air... You know, friends, I have a problem: I love my kids, I love mom and dad, I adore my grandmother, sister, etc., but... I don’t love myself!

And this lack of self-love really bothers me. It interferes with all areas of life.

And I know that I’m not the only one who has such problems and that’s why...

Why do some people always achieve all their goals, while others stand in one place all their lives and constantly complain about their unlucky fate?

It's all about self-confidence and self-love.

Some believe in the strength of their capabilities, accept their own shortcomings and strengths, learn to turn negative into positive and, as a result, everything works out for them, they go through life with a smile.

And others are accustomed to blaming the world around them for their troubles; they always whine, complain, endlessly criticize themselves and everyone around them, turning this behavior into a lifestyle.

They don’t love themselves, which means they don’t accept the world as it is. This is the reason for all failures.

What does it mean to love yourself? This is not standing in front of the mirror for hours and admiring your own reflection, not praising yourself every second and putting yourself above others.

To fall in love means to accept your body, appearance, your strengths and weaknesses, learn to control thoughts and emotions, discover and develop talents.

In short, to love yourself, you need to become more confident, and to become more confident, you need to love yourself! What kind of puzzle is this?? Apparently everything is not as simple as it seems at first glance. But nothing is impossible!

Therefore, if you also do not feel feelings of love for yourself, then let’s try to change this together.

How to love yourself: they say these are proven ways

Well, if they say so, it means someone has already tried it! I'll try too. And so... let's go.

Method 1) We leave only the best

On a piece of paper you need to write down your strong and weak qualities in two columns. Then the negative ones can be crossed out, torn off and destroyed. And everything that a person likes about himself must be learned well and repeated every evening before going to bed.

Over time, this will become a habit and the person begins to sincerely believe that he has a lot of positive qualities, because in fact he does.

Method 2) Solve complex problems easily

People often set inflated goals for themselves. If the result cannot be achieved, self-doubt and a sea of doubts about your significance for this world appear. The solution is very simple.

You need to learn to break down all complex tasks into easier ones and perform them step by step.

You need to praise yourself and encourage yourself more. A person begins to see that he is able to achieve his goals. Problems no longer seem insurmountable. This gives you a feeling of confidence.

Method 3) Stop lying

Love arises only when a person stops lying. First of all, for yourself. Every person has things that he hides deep in his soul that he is ashamed of. There is no need to deceive yourself and tell yourself that everything is fine.

Deep in the subconscious, dissatisfaction with oneself will still remain, and will sharpen from the inside, poisoning life. It is difficult to accept and let go of all the negativity, but if you do this, peace of mind will relieve you of many accumulated problems.

Method 4) Respect

One of the main factors of self-love is respect. How is your self-esteem? By learning to respect one's opinions, choices and preferences, a person can better control his thoughts and emotions.

Internal aggression disappears: both towards the world and towards oneself.

It’s not for nothing that Eastern sages say: “Learn to respect yourself - and the Universe will give you bliss and peace.” A satisfied and calm person means a happy one.

Method 5) Independence is important

This method is for addicts. I mean, for those who depend on someone for something. If there is no financial independence, this urgently needs to be changed, because only an independent person can respect himself, and therefore love.

What happened and what you need to be wary of

Self-love is very important and necessary, it is like the bricks that make up happiness. Only where there is love there is success.

Its importance is difficult to put into words, but its necessity in life is irrefutable.

But! It is important that when we love ourselves, we do not begin to confuse self-love with narcissism and arrogance. Possessing these last qualities, in the future most likely no one will love us anymore except ourselves!

Therefore... Let's change without harming ourselves and the people we love around us.

And if you are interested in how my personal process of transforming me will go - from the insecure to the narcissistic, self-loving Sasha, then stay in touch (there is a subscription just below :)).

That's all for today, friends. Good luck to everyone and... bye-bye.

Always with you, Sasha Bogdanova

ps/ competition)

Or was there already such a picture? I'm somehow confused... And the table needs to be filled out for the last riddles! I always have time, then I have no time, then I forget. Eh... 🙂

An individual is truly happy if he is loved and loves someone. True, not everyone manages to live in harmony with themselves and with others. Many people suffer from misunderstanding, humiliation, and lack of love, but cannot understand the causes of their misfortunes. It turns out that the individual himself “programs” the people around him to have a bad attitude towards himself. The source of the problem is dislike for oneself. If a person wants to change, he should love himself and become a different person.

Individuals who do not love themselves can hardly count on the respect of others. People feel each other's inner mood. There is a saying: what you put out is what you get. If a person is not filled with spiritual content, he is not only disliked by himself, but also disliked by other members of society.

Women, more than anyone else, need constant love and respect. After all, they live by feelings, and the adoration of others inspires them to act. Representatives of the fair half of humanity need to be beloved wives, girlfriends, and mothers. Only love gives them incentive and is a source of inexhaustible energy. Women who do not receive love lose interest in life, become depressed, and slowly fade away. However, solving their problem is very simple - this psychological attitude will change their life and the attitude of the people around them.

If a person is unloved, then he is, as a rule, jealous and very envious. These negative character traits poison his life. You can't be happy without love. It is necessary to live in harmony with the world around you and yourself.

How does an individual who loves and is loved behave:

takes care of his appearance;
likes others, knows how to build friendly relationships with everyone;
always kind, helps others;
easily finds a common language with people;
knows how to take risks, acts actively and boldly;
has a beloved partner, family, children;
successful in business;
has no bad habits;
constantly realizes himself in various spheres of public life.

Actions that cause a person to despise himself.

Not everyone manages to behave correctly in a difficult situation. No one is immune from mistakes. Sometimes people beat themselves up because they cannot forgive themselves for their wrongdoings. You cannot blame yourself for mistakes, because they are lessons through which people learn to live and understand life.

Inconsistency with the invented image.

A person wants to behave correctly in any situation and look like a hero from his favorite book. Not everyone manages to live up to the ideal. Life is full of problems, they cannot be solved without making compromises with your own conscience. And to look like a star from the cover of a magazine is unforgivable stupidity. After all, every person has an interesting individuality.

Everyday difficulties.

People who face many problems every day cannot have a positive attitude towards the world and themselves. Everything appears to them in a black light. True, they don’t even realize that the way out of a difficult situation lies in the plane of their attitude towards themselves.

Failure of planned plans.

Sometimes a person works long and hard to achieve the desired result. It's not always possible to become the best and get what you deserve. Failures crush people. If a person fails, he stops loving himself.

What is self-love and how is it formed?

Before learning to love yourself, it is advisable to understand what love is and under the influence of what circumstances it arises. Self-love is understanding your essence and accepting all your shortcomings. An individual must know what he wants from life, why he lives. It is important to be aware of the reasons for your behavior and to accept your strengths and weaknesses of character without reproach. Loving yourself means constantly rejoicing in your victories.

Love originates in a person’s heart and manifests itself in his actions. A child sees that his parents adore him if he hears approval and praise addressed to him. An adult shows his love through beautiful words and actions.

If an individual loves, then he acts. Love requires proof. This wonderful feeling arises through care, careful attitude, and self-sacrifice.

Is self-love selfish?

Many people think that loving themselves is unforgivable selfishness. This remark is incorrect. There is a difference between love and selfishness. To love means to sacrifice something for the sake of others, to realize oneself without harming the interests of loved ones. Selfishness is when a person is fixated on his own needs, and for the sake of his own goals, he neglects the desires of other people.

Self-love cannot be selfish. After all, it is completely spent on making the lives of relatives happier. A loving individual cares not only about himself, but also about others. Real feeling, without a shadow of obsession and selfishness, always attracts reciprocity. An egoist pushes people away from him, especially if he doesn’t need them.

How to love yourself: 5 steps towards yourself and simple rules for every day

If a person suffers from low self-esteem and feels that he is not liked by others, he needs to learn to love himself. It's very easy to do. You need to work on yourself and change a little.

Pay attention to your appearance and take care of yourself every day.
Find an interesting activity, realize yourself in society.
Believe in yourself and don’t give up in difficult situations.
Solve problems independently.
Lead an active lifestyle and play your favorite sport.

If a person wants to love himself, he needs to become an interesting person. It is not enough to look good, although this is important for raising self-esteem. An individual must fill his life with something interesting, find something to do to his liking. You can’t isolate yourself within four walls or in the circle of your endless problems. We need to destroy the barrier that prevents us from seeing and feeling the world. A person should receive deserved praise and respect from others.

Simple rules for every day that help increase self-esteem:

train yourself to smile every day;
find pleasant features in your character and appearance and focus attention on them;
write an action plan for the day, and summarize in the evening;
update your wardrobe, get rid of old-fashioned things;
bring the job you started to completion;
don’t be afraid to look or act unconventionally;
learn to stop the flow of negative thoughts, think only about the good;
take care of your appearance, if necessary, change your hairstyle, lose weight, join the gym;
always maintain correct posture, do not slouch, do not lower your head;
get more rest;
please your body with cosmetic procedures, sauna, massage;
once a week, walk around the room naked - this will help you get rid of many complexes;
learn to accept compliments;
do not judge yourself harshly for mistakes;
always stand up for your rights;
never talk about your shortcomings with your friends;
do not silently accept bad attitude towards yourself;
read more, watch interesting programs, go to theaters, restaurants, cafes;
create with your own hands - draw, cook, sew clothes, make furniture;
watch your speech, do not make negative statements;
get to know each other more often, communicate more;
Don’t compare yourself to anyone;
Don't put others on pedestals;
tell people compliments, give gifts to your loved ones.

If a person wants to be in a positive mood, he must think positively. All thoughts are material. Words and phrases spoken by an individual in the context of an unpleasant conversation subsequently affect his internal state. By uttering special words that give commands to the subconscious, you can return yourself to a positive direction after a quarrel or showdown. Such phrases are called affirmations.

Affirmation to normalize your mood:

“I am calm and nothing will upset me. I accept life and people as they are. I love this world. I think only positively. I have the strength to cope with any problem. It's easy for me to overcome any troubles. I'm not offended by anyone. The deeper I breathe, the more energy I have. I feel great. I'm happy and calm. I have everything in my life. I love myself and the people around me."

Books on the topic “How to start loving yourself?”

Many people want to change and make their life a little better. True, desire alone is not enough. You need to know what actions to take, what to do in order to become a happy and loved person. Knowledge about the self-development of an individual can be gleaned from books on personality psychology. You can find psychological literature on the topic “How to love yourself” on the Internet or in bookstores. Thanks to books on self-development, people will learn to understand themselves, their thoughts, desires, and analyze their own actions. With understanding and acceptance of your “I” comes self-love.

How to love yourself - interesting books on psychology:

Louise Hay "Album of Healing Affirmations";
Litvak M. E. “If you want to be happy”;
Loretta Breuning "Happiness Hormones";
Anne Lamott "Small Victories";
Alice Muir "Self Confidence"
Labkovsky M. “Love yourself with any appearance”;
Kurpatov A.V. “12 non-trivial solutions. Find peace in your soul."

The most famous book that has helped many people become happy is Dale Carnegie’s bestseller “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” In this work, the author gives readers valuable advice that can change their lives for the better.

The American psychologist recommends getting rid of the painful mistakes of the past in a simple way - locking negative thoughts behind an iron door in your mind. You can’t torment yourself with something that has already been done and cannot be corrected. When faced with a difficult situation that threatens big trouble, it is advisable to imagine the outcome in black tones. If an individual comes to terms with the idea of a possible loss, it will be easier for him to accept reality.

Whatever the problems, you should not exaggerate their significance too much and worry too much. In the end, the worst thing that can await a person is death, but it is inevitable. You need to combat worries and anxieties with the help of positive thoughts. Thinking about the good, an individual develops an attitude that brings him only joy and happiness.

Dale Carnegie recommends that all people who want to get rid of worries should do something. If you are constantly idle, it is impossible to distract yourself from negative thoughts. A hobby, a favorite hobby, or a useful activity will help you get rid of depression.

It is advisable to get rid of bad habits. True, this is not so easy to do. The author of the book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” advises replacing bad habits with healthy ones. Instead of smoking, you can, for example, train yourself to do squats or eat an apple.

Why is it so important to stop worrying about trifles? As a rule, people who are too vulnerable and sensitive suffer from low self-esteem and self-dislike. Their lack of self-confidence is a product of their bad mood. The internal state of a suspicious person is associated with various worries and unsubstantiated fears. It is advisable to switch your attention to other people or your favorite activity, so as not to worry about trifles and not torment yourself with far-fetched problems. The main thing in gaining self-confidence is daily work on your own shortcomings. If you don't do anything, you won't be able to change your life.

If a person wants to become happy and gain the respect and love of others, but he cannot do this on his own, he must seek help from a practicing psychologist-hypnologist

A client, Tatyana K., came to me with a frequently asked question - How to learn to love yourself - psychology never tires of talking about this, but in reality there are very few real results.

And the lesson began quite unexpectedly: with a stream of tears and indignation, “everyone around was just saying that we must learn to love people, learn to love life! And how to do it?!" According to the golden rule, any problem is sorted out, starting with yourself. That's what we did.

You can only love others in one case - if you love yourself. This condition is very broad, and there can be many reasons for not loving yourself. In this case, Tatyana admitted that she hates people, feels constant hostility and irritation towards them, which she tries in every possible way to cover up with a feigned pleasant attitude. Human resources are not limitless, both physical and energy. And resisting yourself requires considerable strength. Of course, such duality in behavior is quite draining. And not only the psyche: Tatiana began to have health problems.

How to learn to love yourself?

Psychology offers several methods. We tried an effective process consisting of three questions:

what do you forbid yourself?
What do you forbid others?
What do others forbid you?

They are asked in turn 1-2-3-1-2-3-... until a state of relief, improved mood or insight. It turned out that the client forbids herself all the joys of life, citing the fact that she is unworthy of them. She forbids others to be themselves, to live their lives, to express their opinions and interests. It turned out that she considers other people second class, which brings her big troubles in her family, at work, and in society. Take a piece of paper and write down all the answers that come to you. I assure you, you will be surprised. And ask yourself, why do I forbid myself to be happy? What benefit do I get from this??

Life is long, and it is not alone... over a long time, a charge of negative emotions and painful events accumulates between a person and people. With this burden on your soul, will you immediately fall in love with your surroundings? It would not hurt to dissolve the unpleasant sediment using a good method. Ask yourself:

what did I do to people?
what did people do to me?

By alternately asking 1-2-1-2-... many answers will come, sometimes the most unexpected. Don't brush them aside! And don't give in to doubts. Just accept everything that comes - including emotions (tears, irritation, apathy, anger), discomfort in the body, and mental pictures that may seem incredible! Traveling through the labyrinths of the unconscious is very exciting.) Write down everything that comes to mind, indiscriminately and without thinking. Until you feel that it has become easier.

Of course, with these two methods of learning to love yourself, psychology does not completely cover the state of self-dislike, but they thoroughly cleanse the psychology of relationships. Give it a try. If you have any questions or difficulties, write or call on Skype..

Loving yourself is simple and difficult at the same time. The state of accepting oneself as is cannot be taught by trainings and seminars - the feeling is purely personal, intimate, which one comes to with time. It is noticeably inherent in children, and then, under the pressure of upbringing and society, it goes away somewhere. But nothing disappears without a trace. If it worked out once, it means that the feeling of loving yourself can be restored. Go for it! “We were prisoners of a purposeless existence. The hour has come, and deep within us, someone has awakened who knows that we are not just mortal physical bodies with decay and decay ahead, a complete and inevitable end. Each of us has an amazing ability to perform the most magical of acts of creation – our own transformation.” (c)