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How to express condolences over the phone. How to Express Condolences on a Death

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We intuitively and subconsciously understand how to behave in joyful, easy life situations and festive events. But there are events of a tragic nature - the death of a loved one, for example. Many are lost, faced with their unpreparedness for loss; for most, such events are beyond acceptance and awareness.

People experiencing loss are easily vulnerable, acutely aware of insincerity and pretense, their feelings are overwhelmed with pain, they need help to relieve it, accept it, come to terms with it, but in no case add to the pain with an accidentally thrown tactless word or incorrect phrase.

You need to be able to show increased tact and correctness, sensitivity and condescension. It is better to remain silent, showing delicate understanding, than to cause additional pain, hurt disturbed feelings, or touch nerves overloaded with emotions.

We will try to help you understand how to behave in a situation where the person next to you has suffered grief - the loss of a loved one, how to properly sympathize and choose the right words so that the person feels your support and sincere sympathy.

It is necessary to take into account the existing differences in condolences.

The form of expressing condolences for the loss will vary:

Because the depth of experience varies.

Also, the expression of condolences depends on the severity of the grieving person’s feelings about what happened:

Imminent death due to old age;
imminent death due to serious illness;
premature, sudden death;
tragic death, accident.

But there is a main, general condition, independent of the cause of death - genuine sincerity in the expression of your grief.

The condolence itself should be short in form, but deep in content. Therefore, you need to find the most sincere words that accurately convey the depth of your sympathy and your willingness to provide support.

In this article we will provide samples and examples of various forms of expressing condolences and help you choose mournful words.

You will need:

Form and method of presentation

Condolences will have distinctive features in form and method of presentation, depending on their purpose.

Purpose:

Personal individual condolences to family and friends.
Official individual or collective.
Obituary in the newspaper.
Farewell mourning words at the funeral.
Funeral words at the wake: for 9 days, on the anniversary.

Serving method:

The timeliness factor is important, so the postal delivery method should only be used to send a telegram. Of course, the fastest way to offer your condolences is to use modern communication tools: email, Skype, Viber..., but they are suitable for confident Internet users, and these should be not only senders, but also recipients.

Using SMS to show sympathy and empathy is only acceptable if there are no other opportunities for contact with a person, or if the status of your relationship is distant acquaintance or formal friendly relations. Use this link to get it for different occasions.

Submission form:

In writing:

Telegram;
email;
e-card;
obituary - a mourning note in a newspaper.

In oral form:

In a telephone conversation;
in person.

In prose: Suitable for written and oral expression of grief.
In verse: Suitable for written expressions of grief.

Important points

All verbal condolences should be short in form.

It is more delicate to express official condolences in writing. For this, a heartfelt verse is more suitable, to which you can choose a photo of the deceased, corresponding electronic pictures and postcards.
Personal individual condolences must be exclusive and can be expressed either verbally or in writing.
For the dearest and closest people, it is important to express or write sorrowful condolences in your own sincere words, not formal, which means not stereotyped.
Since poems are rarely exclusive, exclusively yours, so listen to your heart, and it will tell you words of consolation and support.
Not only words of condolences should be sincere, but also an offer of any help that is within your power: financial, organizational.

Be sure to mention the distinctive personal virtues and character traits of the deceased person that you would like to preserve in memory forever as an example: wisdom, kindness, responsiveness, optimism, love of life, hard work, honesty...

This will be the individual part of the condolence, the main part of which can be formulated according to the approximate model proposed in our article.

Universal mournful texts

“May the earth rest in peace” is a traditional ritual phrase that is said after a burial has taken place; it can be used as a condolence at a funeral service; it is suitable even for atheists.
“We all mourn your irreparable loss.”
“The pain of loss cannot be expressed in words.”
“I sincerely condole and sympathize with your grief.”
“Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of a dear person.”
“We will keep in our hearts the bright memory of the deceased wonderful man.”

Help can be offered in the following words:

“We are ready to share the severity of your grief, be by your side and provide the necessary assistance to you and your family.”
“Surely, you will need to resolve many issues. You can count on us, accept our help."

On the death of mother, grandmother

“The death of the closest person - mother - is an irreparable grief.”
“The bright memory of her will forever be in our hearts.”
“How much we didn’t have time to tell her during her lifetime!”
“We sincerely mourn and sympathize with you in this bitter moment.”
“Hold on! In memory of her. She wouldn't want to see you in despair."

On the death of a husband, father, grandfather

“I offer my sincere condolences and express my deep sympathy in connection with the death of a loved one who was a reliable support for you and your family.”
“In memory of this strong man, you must show fortitude and wisdom to survive this grief and continue what he did not finish.”
“We will carry the bright and kind memory of him throughout our lives.”

On the death of a sister, brother, friend, loved one

“It is painful to realize the loss of a loved one, but it is even more difficult to come to terms with the departure of young people who have not known life. Everlasting memory!"
“Allow me to express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of this severe, irreparable loss!”
“Now you will have to become a support for your parents! Remember this and hang in there!”
“God help you survive and endure the pain of this loss!”
“For the sake of your children, their peace and well-being, you need to cope with this grief, find the strength to live and learn to look into the future.”
“Death does not take away love, your love is immortal!”
“Happy memory to a wonderful man!”
“He will forever remain in our hearts!”

If you are at a distance, find out via SMS. Select the appropriate message and send to the recipient.

On the death of a colleague

“We've worked side by side for the last few years. He was an excellent colleague and example for young colleagues. His professionalism served as an example for many. You will forever remain in our memory as an example of life wisdom and honesty. May you rest in peace!”
“Her/his dedication to her work earned her/him the respect and love of all who knew her/him. He/She will forever remain in my memory."
“You were a wonderful employee and friend. How we will miss you. May you rest in peace!”
“I can’t come to terms with the thought that you’re gone. It seems like only recently we were drinking coffee, discussing work and laughing... I will really miss you, your advice and crazy ideas.”

To the death of a believer

The text of condolences may contain the same mournful words as for a secular person, but an Orthodox Christian should add:

Ritual phrase:

“The Kingdom of Heaven and Eternal Peace!”
"God is merciful!"

My dear, I really sympathize with your grief. My condolences... Be strong!
- Friend, I mourn your loss. I know this is a difficult blow for you and your family. I offer my sincere condolences.
- A wonderful man has passed away. My condolences to you, my dear, and to your entire family at this sad and difficult moment.
“This tragedy has hurt all of us. But of course, it affected you the most. Accept my condolences.

How to condole in Islam (Muslims)?

Expressing condolences is Sunnah in Islam. However, it is undesirable for the relatives of the deceased to gather in one place to receive condolences. The main purpose of expressing condolences is to encourage people who have suffered misfortune to be patient and content with the predestination of Allah. The words that should be spoken when expressing condolences are: “May Allah grant you beautiful patience and may He forgive the sins of your deceased (your deceased).”

How to send condolences over the phone?

In the case when words of condolences are spoken over the phone, you can (but not necessarily) add briefly: “May the earth rest in peace!” If you have the opportunity to provide assistance (organizational, financial - any), then this phrase is convenient to complete your words of condolences, for example, “These days you will probably need help. I would like to be of assistance. Count on me, call me any time!”

How to deal with someone experiencing loss?

It is not necessary to grieve, cry with him, letting someone else’s suffering pass through him. You will be much more effective in your help if you act rationally and thoughtfully. One way to cope with a loss is to talk about it repeatedly. In this case, strong emotions will be reacted. You need to listen carefully to the person, answer his questions if necessary. Allowing a person to express his emotions and experiences. It could be tears, anger, irritation, sadness. You don’t make judgments, you just listen carefully and are nearby. Tactile contact is possible, that is, you can hug a person, take a hand, or sit a child on your lap.

No 5

Here is a collection of short condolences and words of grief that need to be expressed to the family and friends of the deceased person. The texts are suitable for being included in public, spoken in private, or sent in the form of a short letter. They are also suitable for colleagues, friends and other people familiar with the deceased. All texts are written not in verse (in prose), for those who want to express regret in their own words. You will find recommendations at the end of the page.

All names and surnames in the texts are used only for convenience of presentation, do not forget to change them to the ones you need.

My condolences to you and your family. Your mother was a wonderful, wonderful person and you will miss her. I wish you to find peace and consolation... We will pray for you.

Friends, we sympathize with your loss and mourn with you. There are no words that will bring your loved one back to you, but perhaps life itself will help you survive the loss. We will pray that the Lord will give you patience and strength. Your dad lived well, for a long time, accomplished a lot, realized himself and left behind many people grateful to him. He will forever live in their hearts just as he does in yours. May his memory be blessed.

Friends, today is a day of deep sadness. There was a time when we rejoiced and had fun with the one who left us. But today we mourn with you, seeing off a person close and dear to us on their last journey. But we will keep in our hearts the good memory of our friend.

I knew him as an amazingly sympathetic, intelligent person and an extraordinary person. He helped not only me, but also served as a guide and support for many other people on the path of life. May you be at least a little consoled by the fact that today many are grieving with you who were also left without this ray of light in their lives. You are not alone in this difficult time. We mourn with you.

Let me offer you my deepest condolences. I am terribly saddened by the death of your mother. She was a smart, kind and sensitive person, and many people, like me, feel that the world is a darker place without her. I have no words to ease your pain. I'm just sure that your mother wouldn't want you to be so sad.

Please accept the feelings of our deep empathy in connection with the passing of your closest, dearest person, your faithful companion in life. Great loss and great sorrow. Be strong, our dears, we are always with you.

Together with you, we will forever cherish the memory of her in our hearts. She was an amazingly pure, honest, open person, and this earned her the love, appreciation, gratitude and respect of many people. Your mother is the best of people. We will forever keep her memory in our hearts. Hang in there and accept our deepest sympathy for such a bereavement.

Dear Tatyana!

Please accept our condolences on the death of your father! Words are powerless in such grief... Know that in this difficult time your colleagues, friends and like-minded people are with you.

Dear Svetlana and Sidor!

We deeply regret the death of your dear grandmother. She was kind, sympathetic and a good woman. We will all miss her greatly. Please accept our sincere condolences. If there is anything we can do for you, we are ready to help in any way. We are praying for you.

We suffered this heavy loss together with you today and mourn with you. Strength and patience to you to get through this difficult time of loss. Remember, everyone loses a loved one one day, this pain must be endured. Sometimes the cross becomes very heavy, but it will help one day. Be patient, it will get easier after a while. Our condolences.

I sympathize with your misfortune on this sad day. Our life, unfortunately, is not eternal and no words of consolation will help relieve the pain of loss or bring back the departed. I wish you strength of spirit in this difficult time. May the earth be soft rest to him (the deceased). And may the Lord protect you from all troubles.

Your dad was one of the most wonderful and wonderful people I have ever met. I was very lucky to have known him. And now I will miss him greatly, just like you. I express my deepest condolences to you and your family.

Let me offer you my deepest condolences on the death of your colleague and dear friend Kharitonov Khariton. We deeply empathize and share your pain.

It’s hard for us, but especially for you, and we know about it. He was your closest friend, it's a huge loss. Your friend was an excellent comrade for us too, reliable, loyal, simple and always fair. Please contact us at any time with any requests, we will be there for you. Let's stick together during this difficult time.

Please accept my condolences on the death of your dear, close and beloved person - your mother. Having gone to heaven, she will not cease to be your guardian angel.

He meant a lot to you and to me. I mourn with you.

We express our sincere condolences to the family and friends in connection with the untimely death of Sidor Sidorovich Sidorov. The death of a loved one is a great grief and a difficult test. Bright memories of a person who lived his life honestly and with dignity, leaving behind the fruits of his good deeds, will always be stronger than death.

With sincere sympathy, the team of Peace to Your Home LLC

We share with you the bitterness of loss. Your father was a wonderful man. His dedication to his work earned him the respect and love of all who knew him. Please accept our sincere condolences.

I mourn with you and express my deepest condolences to all your family, my friend.

Our condolences to you. He was our colleague, friend and brilliant professional, without whom our entire team would have a hard time. We are experiencing this difficult loss together with you. He will serve as a light and guide for us on our professional path. May his memory be blessed.

I offer you and your family my most sincere condolences. Be strong. May God rest her soul...

Please accept my sincere condolences on the death of your uncle. And please feel free to ask for any help.

Losing a father is a difficult loss. Be strong. He was my close friend and often told me that he tried to raise you wise and strong, and would not want you to lose ground even when he leaves you forever. And also, he wanted you to be able to survive losses and not forget how to smile after them. Therefore, I wish you strength and patience to get through this sorrowful time and move on again.

My condolences. The death of a spouse deprives us of our main support and our partner in life. It is very difficult to find words of consolation. Hang in there.

Dear friend. Losing a mother is the most difficult loss. This pain is hard to cope with and it is impossible for me to find words that will reduce your pain. I will just be there in your grief, contact me at any moment on any issue. And just wait. Time should help at least a little.

Please accept our sincere condolences. May the Lord reward her in heaven for all the good she has done. She is and will forever remain in our hearts...

Today you lost your mother - a reliable guardian angel in life. This is a terrible loss. And I lost my best friend and support in her. I mourn with you. Your mother often told me how much she loves it when you smile. I’m sure she sees us now and is very sad that you are so sad. May the Lord give you strength to survive such a loss and return you to the joy of life. They say he gives difficult trials along with the strength to survive them. Be patient.

Please accept my sympathy. It has never been more expensive or closer, and probably never will be. But in yours and in our hearts he will remain a young, strong, intelligent, kind and cheerful person. Eternal memory to him. Hold on.

This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. Of course, it’s harder for you than everyone else. I want to assure you that I will never leave you without support. And I will never forget her. Please, let's walk this path together.

This is a difficult time in your life. Let our sympathy and support help you and reduce the pain of loss at least a little.

It is difficult to express in words how much good he did to me. All our disputes and disagreements are trifles. And I will carry the good he did throughout my life. I pray for him and grieve with you.

My condolences to you, this is a huge loss and grief. Remember that a person dies, but love does not. And her memory will always illuminate our hearts. Be strong.

Unfortunately, in our imperfect world we have to endure such grief. She was a bright person whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment.

Words cannot express how we feel together with you. It’s hard when you lose loved ones, but the death of a mother is a grief for which there is no cure or words of consolation. Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss.

I would like to find words to relieve you of pain or at least reduce it a little. But it is difficult to imagine what words these should be and whether such words exist at all. Bright and eternal memory.

I share with you the inconsolable pain of the bereavement that befell you - the death of your beloved grandfather.

May the Lord bless and comfort you and your family during this difficult time of grief. Please accept our sincere condolences.

The death of a beloved wife is a bitter loss. It’s hard for me to express in words, but I am always with you. I will support you and help you get through it. Be strong.

Please accept our heartfelt condolences on the death of your son. We ask the Almighty to grant you the strength to hold on, patience, perseverance and faith.

The loss of a loved one is a huge grief and test. I sincerely share your pain. Please accept my sincere sympathy and support. May God rest his soul.

It is very sad to lose your loved ones and relatives. It’s doubly worse when the young, healthy, and strong leave us. Lord help his soul.

I'm sorry that she didn't live as long as she would have liked. I mourn with you, empathize, remember and love.

I share your grief of loss. You need to find the strength to survive these most difficult moments and difficult days. He remains in our memory forever.

Lord give you strength, patience and faith, dear friend. Survive it all.

We are deeply saddened by the news of your father's death. He was a fair and strong man, a loyal and sympathetic friend. We knew him well and loved him like our own. We mourn with you.

It is difficult to find the right words in this difficult moment. I mourn with you. Let the fact that few are lucky enough to experience such a huge and pure love as yours will ease your pain at least a little. But let him remain alive in your memory, full of love and strength. May he rest in peace.

I'm just devastated by the loss. It's unbearable to think about it. It's hard to express in words how much I sympathize with you. My heart is broken along with yours. Be strong.

I cannot say any words of sympathy now, because no one is experiencing your grief the same way as you. You just need time... be patient, it will gradually reduce the pain.

Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my arguments and quarrels were with this bright and dear person to me. Excuse me! I mourn with you.

A person who leaves this earth does not really go anywhere because he still continues to live in our hearts and minds. Please accept our condolences and know that he will not be forgotten.

I offer you and your family my most sincere condolences. It’s very difficult, even when you prepare for it, at the last moment you find yourself unprepared. May God rest his soul... and you, hold on. Time will help you...

Please accept my sincere condolences. A terrible, insidious disease that they have never learned how to defeat...

Her path on earth was not easy and full of difficulties, may God take her under his wing and reward her with what she rightfully deserves.

A new star has risen in the sky - it is his soul that has acquired a new meaning and a new purpose...

It's small consolation, but know that we are with you in your grief and our hearts go out to your entire family. Eternal memory to your sister.

Your father was a very resilient, joyful and optimistic person. His wisdom will remain in my memory forever; it will be difficult for me without him. But it’s more difficult for you. Losing your dad is like losing your footing. There are hardly any words that will ease the pain. Try to remember your father's resilience and be the same, he would really like it. I will ask higher powers to protect you from all troubles and for you to find consolation. I'm grieving.

The administration staff of the Central District of the Troekurovsky Village Council deeply mourns the irreparable bereavement - the death of the acting head of the village, Isaak Kharitonovich Tiranozavrov. We express our sincere condolences to family and friends, share their grief, and support them in their hours of grief.

Be strong! With the loss of your brother, you need to become a support for your parents for both of them. May God help you get through these difficult days. Happy memory to a bright man.

Dear Sidor Sidorovich, Tatyana Appolinarievna and Oscar Platonovich!

On behalf of the board of the open joint-stock company “Kuzkina Mother” and on my own behalf, I express my deep condolences and sincere sympathy with the grief that befell you - the untimely death of your father and brother Zakhar Appolonovich Sidorov.

At this difficult time for you, your family and friends, I share your grief and the bitterness of irreparable loss.

Be strong. The Almighty called him to himself - he takes the best. I mourn with you.

My condolences to you. Losing your grandmother is like losing a piece of sunshine in your soul. I will always cherish her memory in my heart. I pray that God will give you warmth and light in your heart, which will help you overcome the pain of loss and find comfort. Peace to her soul, and peace to your heart.

We greatly mourn the death of our dear brother and from the bottom of our hearts we express our sincere sympathy and condolences to his dear wife and all his family and friends. We pray for God's support for all of you, dear ones.

We believe that by God's will we will meet brother Sidor in the future paradise that the Lord has prepared for all who love Him (Revelation 2:7)

Please accept my sincere sympathy for your grief. Losing a friend is like losing one wing. After this it is difficult to fly. I pray to the Lord to help you cope and teach you to live with this loss. Strength, wisdom, goodness to you. Eternal memory to him.

I sincerely sympathize with your grief. But remember, losing your mother does not mean losing her love and warmth. Let them always warm you, and you remember her and all the bright things that she left behind for you. I know she would really like this.

May God give you strength to overcome such a difficult loss. I mourn with you. Now it seems to you that no one needs our dead except us, but this is not so. Look around, if they are so unnecessary, then what are we constantly doing at their graves? Why do we visit them, talk, ask for advice and help? And we always get what we ask for. Even after they left us forever... Be patient, it will become easier. And remember - he stopped being there, but did not leave you. You will see.

- Reading condolences in verse is considered not entirely appropriate in these circumstances; try to avoid them;

You should only offer words of regret when it is appropriate. Do not impose them or harass mourners to fulfill a formality. Do this sincerely, with warmth, at the right moment and do not go overboard with emotional words addressed to the deceased if you did not know him (otherwise the words will sound hypocritical, it’s better not to say anything at all, not to irritate your loved ones - it’s already difficult for them);
If the opportunity to express grief does not present itself, you can format any of these texts in the form of a short letter and send it to your loved ones. This will give them the opportunity to read them when it is convenient, rather than listening to your sorrows when it is convenient for you.
Words of condolences are usually formal words... standard, short and similar to each other. You can make them warmer, more cordial and more personal through intonation and reminders (briefly) of episodes, small details that connected you with the deceased and gave rise to a warm attitude towards him.
Do not impose advice and edifications to help you survive the pain of loss. This annoys loved ones. They (advice) should be given only when you are absolutely sure and see that they are needed or they are guaranteed to be necessary and can help. It's even better if you don't talk, but do something to alleviate the situation. Since any advice most likely will not be received correctly, it will remain just an irritant.

Those who love you...

They don’t part with their loved ones,
They just stop being around.

You sleep, and we live,
You wait and we will come...

You left us early, our beloved.
He took away our happiness and joy.

The Great Tribulation cannot be measured,
Tears won't help my grief.

You are not with us, but forever

You gave us life in this world,
In another you have found peace.
Gone, leaving a trace of sadness,
gusts of grief and melancholy.

Remember me, Lord,
Visit me with your salvation.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Remember me, God
And do not leave those who love you.

Like drops of dew on roses,
There are tears on my cheeks.

You are no longer here, but we don’t believe you.
You are in our hearts forever.
And my pain from that loss
We will never heal.

Love for you, dear son,
He will die only with us.
And our pain and our sorrow
Can't express it in words.

Our pain cannot be measured
And you can’t shed it in tears.
We treat you as if alive
We will love forever.

We love you, we are proud of you.
In our memory
You are always alive.

The Great Tribulation cannot be measured,
Tears won't help my grief.
You are not with us, but forever
You will not die in our hearts.

What a pity that your life
Was so short
But your memory will be eternal.

Sleep, my beloved daughter, peacefully.
You've gone your short way
Honest and joyful.

To your untimely grave
Our path will not be overgrown.
Your dear image, dear image
Will always lead us here

Nobody could save you
Died very early
But the bright image is your dear
We will always remember.

Words can't express it
Tears cannot cry out our grief.
You are always in our hearts. It’s so easy to imagine you alive
What's in your death
It's impossible to believe.

Quiet leaves, don't make noise,
Don't wake up my friend

The question of life is over.
There will be no more sorrow, no more tears.

Dear angel
Sorry, my fault
What was not at the hour of death
Next to you.

My heart went out like lightning,
Years will not dull the pain.
Your image will be treasured forever
Always in our memory. You lived your life with dignity,
Leaving a memory for us forever.
In a silent world, sleep peacefully,
The person we love.

You won't come back, you won't look back,
You will not become wise and gray-haired.
You will remain in our memory
Always alive and young.

Passing, stop
Pray for me, a sinner.
I was like you
You will be like me.

The ashes will return to the ground
Which is what he was.
And the spirit will return to God,
who gave it.

K.N. Batyushkov:

Epitaph

No inscriptions are needed for my stone,
Just say it here: he was and he is not!

A.S. Pushkin:

My epitaph

Pushkin is buried here; he is with a young muse,
With love and laziness spent a cheerful century,
He did not do good, but he was a soul,
By God, good man.

Epitaph for a baby. Book N.S. Volkonsky

In radiance and in joyful peace,
At the throne of the eternal creator,
With a smile he looks into earthly exile,
He blesses his mother and prays for his father.

M.Yu. Lermontov

Epitaph

Simple-hearted son of freedom,
He did not spare his life for his feelings;
And true features of nature
He often liked to copy.

He believed dark predictions
And talismans, and love,
And unnatural desires
He sacrificed his days.

And in it the soul kept a reserve
Bliss, torment and passion.
He died. Here is his grave.
It was not created for people.

Epitaph of Napoleon

Yes, no one blames your shadow,
Man of rock! You are with people who have doom over you;
He who knew how to lead you, only he could overthrow you:
Nothing changes great things.

V.S. Soloviev

Vladimir Soloviev
Lies in this place.
First there was a philosopher
And now he has become a skeleton.
Having been kind to others,
He was also an enemy to many;
But, loving madly,
He plunged into the ravine himself.
He lost his soul
Not to mention the body:
The devil took her
The dogs ate him.
Passerby! Learn from this example,
How destructive is love and how useful is faith.

I.A. Bunin

Inscription on the gravestone

There are no, Lord, sins and atrocities
Above Thy mercy!
Slave of the earth and vain desires
Forgive his sins for his sorrows.
I kept the covenant of love sacredly in my life:
In days of melancholy, in defiance of reason,
I did not harbor any enmity against my brother,
I have forgiven everything according to Your word.
I, who have known deathly silence
I, who have accepted the sorrows of darkness,
From the depths of the earth I preach the gospel to the earth
Verbs of Unsunset Beauty!

M.I. Tsvetaeva

Epitaph

To the one who lies here under the spring grass,
Forgive, Lord, evil thoughts and sin!
He was sick, exhausted, not from here,
He loved angels and children's laughter.

Didn’t crush the snow-white lilac stars,
Even though he wanted to overcome the Lord...
In all his sins he was a gentle child,
And therefore - God forgive him

In every person's life there are moments associated with the loss of loved ones, relatives or just acquaintances. And in the process of saying goodbye, despite the overwhelming feeling of loss, you need to say condolences about the death - words that are short, but succinctly composed and give everyone present the opportunity to feel the depth of the loss.

My condolences - I sincerely worry

The depth of the emotional state that accompanies loss can interfere with and limit the possibility of expressing sincere feelings. A great desire to cheer up and somehow alleviate the suffering of others often puts us in a situation where anxiety prevents us from choosing the right words, and we slip into general phrases that can sometimes even hurt. And a person in need of support and sympathy hears clumsy, formalized speech.

The sincerity of expressing condolences lies in conveying a piece of oneself to support loved ones in their time of sorrow, in consolation and empathy in the grief that has visited them. That is why the correct choice of phrases is so important - delicate, succinct, but at the same time brief.

How not to go beyond moral boundaries?

The question of the appropriateness of condolences is quite relevant. The moment of expressing sympathy is in no way inferior in importance to words. Almost every person who needs to express their participation in grief tends to think about the timeliness of seeking support and the perception of his words. Lack of experience, fear of seeing the face of death, strained relationships with the deceased do not add decisiveness and only aggravate the situation. The person is lost and simply does not know how to behave.

Ignorance of etiquette norms in such cases gives rise to many questions:

When can I call?
Is it better to write or come directly yourself?
Should I offer condolences before or after the funeral?

Despite the inner turmoil, you need to show up or call if there is a strong feeling that this is necessary, as well as confidence that support will ease the person’s suffering and help him get through a difficult period. Even if the deceased was not the best friend, words of encouragement will help loved ones, and support is very necessary, including from strangers, when a person is grieving, lonely and requires protection. Excessive shyness is unacceptable.

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Sincerity and the desire to help and support in difficult times are important, and if condolences are received coldly, obligations to one’s own conscience will still be fulfilled. If misfortune has come to the home of a loved one, you need to call or meet immediately as soon as the sad news is received. You can express solidarity in grief to your acquaintances in the first days after the funeral. Late offering of condolences for a death requires a monosyllabic justification. The mourners need this.

It is worth saying that you should not say words of condolences about death in poetry, even briefly. It is better to leave versification for the epitaph, and in the hours of farewell to the deceased, poetry will be inappropriate.

Formal phrases should be avoided. Using them will make the speaker appear callous to the bereaved person. Let's look at common mistakes:

You should not make a grieving person feel guilty about his condition by telling him to calm down, stop grieving, or shed tears, as these will give him confidence that his loss is not appreciated.
There is no need to express condemnation of the deceased by saying that something should not have been done, since it caused death. Death absorbs all mistakes, both obvious and not.
Don't minimize the cost of loss. A person who has lost a loved one cannot be deprived of the right to mourn the deceased.
Don’t make comparisons with someone else’s experience of a similar loss, even with yourself. These words can only cause irritation, because nothing compares to personal sadness for a deceased loved one.
Do not inquire about the circumstances or reasons that led to the loss. There is no place for this in grief.
In moments of farewell, there is no need to be distracted by extraneous topics.

Often, even a silent presence will be enough, since in moments of trouble and sorrow we all need support and sympathy. Being left alone with grief is very difficult and simply unbearable.

How to find the right words when writing a condolence message?

Expressing your feelings and finding the right words is difficult. However, such demonstrations of love and respect can bring great comfort to those who are grieving. Letters of condolence are often kept for many years and read over and over again. The purpose of their writing is to express respect for the deceased and support the mourners. Such a letter should come from the heart and be quite brief, containing personal memories of the deceased, expressed simply and sincerely.

Offer your help and support. You need to be specific and not make promises that you cannot keep. Express your condolences to other family members as well. The letter should end with an expression of love and support.

Below is an example of writing a condolence letter to a colleague's wife:

“Dear [Name].

I am so sorry to hear about the tragic death of your husband. [Name] was an inspiration to everyone who knew him, and the news of his death has left us devastated. I understand how you must feel. Of our entire team, he was the most experienced and diligent employee, while maintaining natural modesty. Many of our achievements are directly related to the activities of [Name]. He will be greatly missed by his colleagues and friends. My thoughts are with you and your family. With deepest condolences. [Name]".

“When we lose a loved one here on earth, we gain an angel in heaven who always sees us. Can you find comfort in the fact that you have an angel watching over you right now? We/I offer our/my deepest condolences.”
“A person who leaves this earth does not really go anywhere because he is still alive in our hearts and minds. Please accept my/our condolences and know that he/she will not be forgotten."
“May our Lord bless and comfort you and your family in this time of sorrow. Please accept my/our sincere condolences."
“Please accept our/my condolences and just know that we/I are always here for you and please feel free to ask for any help, especially during this difficult time.”
“I/we cannot even imagine how you are feeling right now, but would like to offer our prayers and condolences to you and your family.”
“During this difficult time in your life, may my/our sympathy and sincere condolences help you.”
“I/we express to you our/our most sincere condolences and sorrow.”
“During this difficult time in your life, we/I ask God to give you the strength you need to get through this trial. Know that you are in our/my thoughts and prayers."

People experiencing loss are easily vulnerable, acutely aware of insincerity and pretense, their feelings are overwhelmed with pain, they need help to relieve it, accept it, come to terms with it, but in no case add to the pain with an accidentally thrown tactless word or incorrect phrase.

It is necessary to take into account the existing differences in condolences.

The form of expressing condolences for the loss will vary:

Because the depth of experience varies.

Also, the expression of condolences depends on the severity of the grieving person’s feelings about what happened:

Imminent death due to old age;
imminent death due to serious illness;
premature, sudden death;
tragic death, accident.

But there is a main, general condition, independent of the cause of death - genuine sincerity in the expression of your grief.

In this article we will provide samples and examples of various forms of expressing condolences and help you choose mournful words. You will need: sincerity; patience; attention to the person; sympathy;
Tip 1

Form and method of presentation

Condolences will have distinctive features in form and method of presentation, depending on their purpose.

Purpose:

Personal individual condolences to family and friends.
Official individual or collective.
Obituary in the newspaper.
Farewell mourning words at the funeral.
Funeral words at the wake: for 9 days, on the anniversary.

Serving method:

Using SMS to show sympathy and empathy is only acceptable if there are no other opportunities for contact with a person, or if the status of your relationship is distant acquaintance or formal friendly relations.

Submission form:

In writing:

Telegram;
email;
e-card;
obituary - a mourning note in a newspaper.

In oral form:

In a telephone conversation;
in person.

In prose: Suitable for written and oral expression of grief.
In verse: Suitable for written expressions of grief.
Tip 2

Important points

All verbal condolences should be short in form.

It is more delicate to express official condolences in writing. For this, a heartfelt verse is more suitable, to which you can choose a photo of the deceased, corresponding electronic pictures and postcards.
Personal individual condolences must be exclusive and can be expressed either verbally or in writing.
For the dearest and closest people, it is important to express or write sorrowful condolences in your own sincere words, not formal, which means not stereotyped.
Since poems are rarely exclusive, exclusively yours, so listen to your heart, and it will tell you words of consolation and support.
Not only words of condolences should be sincere, but also an offer of any help that is within your power: financial, organizational.

This will be the individual part of the condolence, the main part of which can be formulated according to the approximate model proposed in our article.
Tip 3

Universal mournful texts

“May the earth rest in peace” is a traditional ritual phrase that is said after a burial has taken place; it can be used as a condolence at a funeral service; it is suitable even for atheists.
“We all mourn your irreparable loss.”
“The pain of loss cannot be expressed in words.”
“I sincerely condole and sympathize with your grief.”
“Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of a dear person.”
“We will keep in our hearts the bright memory of the deceased wonderful man.”

Help can be offered in the following words:

“We are ready to share the severity of your grief, be by your side and provide the necessary assistance to you and your family.”
“Surely, you will need to resolve many issues. You can count on us, accept our help."

Tip 4

On the death of mother, grandmother

“The death of the closest person - mother - is an irreparable grief.”
“The bright memory of her will forever be in our hearts.”
“How much we didn’t have time to tell her during her lifetime!”
“We sincerely mourn and sympathize with you in this bitter moment.”
“Hold on! In memory of her. She wouldn't want to see you in despair."

Tip 5

On the death of a husband, father, grandfather

“I offer my sincere condolences and express my deep sympathy in connection with the death of a loved one who was a reliable support for you and your family.”
“In memory of this strong man, you must show fortitude and wisdom to survive this grief and continue what he did not finish.”
“We will carry the bright and kind memory of him throughout our lives.”

Tip 6

On the death of a sister, brother, friend, loved one

“It is painful to realize the loss of a loved one, but it is even more difficult to come to terms with the departure of young people who have not known life. Everlasting memory!"
“Allow me to express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of this severe, irreparable loss!”
“Now you will have to become a support for your parents! Remember this and hang in there!”
“God help you survive and endure the pain of this loss!”
“For the sake of your children, their peace and well-being, you need to cope with this grief, find the strength to live and learn to look into the future.”
“Death does not take away love, your love is immortal!”
“Happy memory to a wonderful man!”
“He will forever remain in our hearts!”

Tip 7

To the death of a believer

The text of condolences may contain the same mournful words as for a secular person, but an Orthodox Christian should add:

Ritual phrase:

“The Kingdom of Heaven and Eternal Peace!”
"God is merciful!"

Prayer phrase:

“O Lord, rest his soul, forgive all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant the Kingdom of Heaven!” Conclusion

Conclusion

“The life of the dead continues in the memory of the living” - these words belong to the ancient sage Cicero. And while we are alive, our departed loved ones live in our hearts!