home Audience 1 Co-sleeping with a baby: pros, cons, safety rules, ways to wean. How to wean your child from co-sleeping with his parents

Co-sleeping with a baby: pros, cons, safety rules, ways to wean. How to wean your child from co-sleeping with his parents

One of the most controversial issues in raising children under three years of age is practice co-sleeping. No matter how good the crib is, most babies prefer to sleep with their mother. For the mother herself, this also becomes a salvation, especially when she is breastfeeding. She no longer has to get up several times during the night, which makes it possible to get much better sleep. The baby also feels much calmer when his mother is nearby: he is comfortable and safe. Therefore, sleeping together has its advantages:

Night feedings are considered one of the most important for successful and long-term breastfeeding, as they stimulate the production of the hormone prolactin, which is responsible for milk production.
An opportunity for the mother to relax without worrying about the child and without getting up to see him several times a night. There is no need to rock the baby to sleep; after eating, he falls asleep on his own.
For a baby, the mother is the whole world, and at night he needs her warmth and care just as much as during the day. The baby, being next to his mother, behaves much calmer and sleeps better.
There are studies that suggest that co-sleeping can help reduce the risk of sudden infant death.

However, there is one big problem for those who practice co-sleeping - the child’s reluctance to fall asleep on his own in his crib. How older child, the situation worsens and conflicts on this issue arise more often. Moreover, everything can be individual. Some children learned to fall asleep on their own without problems, while others could not wean themselves from co-sleeping until elementary school.

The child’s reluctance to fall asleep without his mother leads to strained relations between husband and wife, which ultimately affects the child himself. In general, such a situation, when sleeping with mom becomes just a habit and not a necessity, does not bring any benefit to the whole family.

How to teach your child to fall asleep on his own

First of all, be patient and love. Especially if you have a stubborn baby. He has, of course, grown up a little, but your presence is still very important to him. However, by the age of two he can be taught to fall asleep independently in his crib. What can help parents along this path:

Well, what mother can refuse her child hugs and rocking when the baby cannot calm down? Holding a child in her arms is inherent in a woman’s nature. She calms the baby and gives him a feeling of security. Next to the mother's breast, the baby feels warm and comfortable. In addition, close physical contact is simply physically necessary for the baby during colic, when teething, during various ailments and simply bad mood. But time passes, the baby’s weight grows, and it becomes more and more difficult to carry him in your arms. In addition, overly sensitive children simply do not allow their mother to put them in the crib - they immediately wake up. This leads to the fact that the young mother cannot do household chores, and she cannot relax herself. Therefore, sooner or later, every woman comes to the decision that she needs to wean her child from sleeping in her arms. But how to do this without tears and hysterics?

Is it necessary to wean

Some pediatricians advise not to run up to the child at his first call, but to be patient a little. Over time, the baby will get used to sleeping in his crib and wean himself off his mother’s hands. But psychologists do not support this method, and say that close bodily contact is, first of all, an emotional component. It has been proven that a child who was often held in childhood is psychologically more balanced, such people are less likely to develop complexes, and they are more self-confident. There is no need to give up frequent rocking of the child, at least until 4-6 months.

If you cannot carry your baby in your arms for health reasons, find some alternative. There is no need to leave your baby crying in a cold crib. You can just be nearby. Don't lift, but hug. Do not shake, but stroke the head. In essence, this is the replenishment of the same missing contact with the mother. It is very important not to establish strict discipline in the baby’s behavior in the first months of life. For him, there are no laws of society yet; he lives according to the laws of nature. And in this nature, no mother will force her child to sleep separately. Therefore, until the baby is six months old, let him enjoy your closeness.

Weaning a baby from sleeping in your arms

But what should a young woman do if, in addition to caring for a child, there are household chores and responsibilities? If you have an older child, when should you devote time to him? What to do if dad is tired at work and wants to come to clean house and eat a hot dinner? If there are no helpers in the form of grandmothers, then the problem becomes really serious. In this state of affairs, it is necessary to solve the problem as soon as possible. But we will not wean the child from sleeping in our arms, but will try to make up for the lack of physical contact with the mother in other ways.

These simple ways will help you teach your baby to sleep on his own. But sometimes the baby is capricious and wakes up every time you put him in the crib. So that the child sleeps “without hind legs", he needs to be properly prepared for bed.

How to prepare your baby for bed

Proper preparation is to tire your baby out. So that he does not have the strength to fight his persistent mother, and he sleeps the way his parents want. To do this, every evening you need to carry out a set of activities that the baby gradually remembers. Within a couple of weeks, the baby will know for sure that a certain algorithm is preparation for bed and at the end of these actions it is necessary to fall asleep.

The first thing you should pay attention to is the amount of sleep. If a child sleeps only in his arms, it means he doesn’t really want to sleep, but in his mother’s arms it’s a sin not to take a nap. If your baby sleeps three times a day, try switching him to two naps; if he sleeps twice, perhaps one nap during the day will save you. And further. You need to know how long the baby was awake. Do not put your baby to bed if less than three hours have passed (unless he is a baby, of course). In order for the baby to fall asleep in the crib and in any other place, the child must be tired!

The first thing you need to do before going to bed is a massage; it will allow the baby to sleep well all night. In addition, massage is very beneficial for the body - blood circulation in tissues improves, the baby grows better. After the massage - a cool bath. She will force the child to move a lot so that the baby spends the remaining “unspent” energy. After the bath, the baby needs to be changed into clean clothes and given plenty to eat; what kind of sleep can there be on an empty stomach? After such manipulations, the child will not only sleep in his crib, but will also fall asleep in any position - he will be so exhausted. Only, of course, if he is not bothered by his tummy or teeth.

Remember, the time when a child will constantly ask for your hugs will sooner or later end. The baby grows up and understands that everyone should have their own crib. Another couple of decades will pass, and you will remember with warmth and trepidation this time when the child could not do without his mother. Be patient, and the solution to the problem will definitely come by itself!

Video: how to wean a child from motion sickness

How can?!

Experts say that for at least 6 months (and preferably up to a year), a child should sleep in the same room with his parents. Until what age does a baby have the right to take a place in the parent’s bed? This is what Tatyana Chkhikvishvili, a consultant at the Center, thinks about this baby sleep and development of BabySleep:

“It all depends on the child and on the parents’ desire to continue co-sleeping. If the parents understand that they are not yet ready to part with the baby at night, or the mother works all day and feels that she and the baby lack contact during the day (and he gets it at night), then co-sleeping can be continued for as long as desired. There are no age restrictions. Sooner or later the child will leave anyway, it’s inevitable.”

Enough!

Here are the main reasons for stopping parents and child sleeping together in the same bed (if at least one of the points listed below applies to you, you should think about moving your baby away):

Co-sleeping is inconvenient for mom (she cannot relax, wakes up at every sound, sleeps poorly, experiences increased anxiety and is afraid of running over the child).

Parents cannot provide safe sleep child in the same bed with them (for example, the mattress is too soft - the child will not be able to breathe freely if he buries his nose in it).

The child's father is against co-sleeping, because in this case he does not get enough sleep, and in the morning he has to go to work.

Separate sleep: is the child ready?

As a rule, co-sleeping is convenient for the mother (especially if the child is on breastfeeding). “But there are also children for whom co-sleeping is a very important need, about 15-20%. Such babies need constant close contact with their mother, and this manifests itself not only at night, but also during the day. “Tame” children constantly want to keep their mother at least in sight,” explains Tatyana Chkhikvishvili. If the baby is able to do without you during the day (for example, for a long time play independently in a sun lounger), then, most likely, the child will be able to fall asleep in his own bed at night.

Action plan!

So, you have weighed everything and decided that sleep should be separate. Where to begin? The first step is to build a rhythm of sleep and wakefulness for the child.

“An overtired, overexcited baby will resist innovation. In order for your child to agree to change, make sure that he gets a good night's sleep and is in good health by the time he goes to bed. good mood", advises a child sleep consultant.

Check the table of sleep and wakefulness norms in accordance with age, adjust the regime to the child’s needs. “If the baby gets up at 8 a.m. kindergarten, and the norm for night sleep is 11 hours, which means that by 9 pm he should already be asleep. This is not the time to start bedtime!” - explains Tatyana Chkhikvishvili.

Now your task is to teach your baby to fall asleep on his own.

“If a baby needs the help of his parents to fall asleep - rocking, stroking, his mother's breast, it will be extremely difficult to transfer him to sleep in a separate bed. The child will wake up when sleep cycles change every 40 minutes - 1.5 hours and require the mother’s participation, which is very exhausting,” says Tatyana Chkhikvishvili. Teach your child to fall asleep on his own, then at night the child will wake up and immediately fall asleep without your help.

Now we send the baby to sleep in a separate crib. There are two ways to do this.

Change the conditions for falling asleep immediately and present the child with a fact: that’s it, from today you sleep separately. However, you should not leave the baby alone so that he screams, humbles himself and falls asleep. Help the baby adapt to new conditions, comfort him. “There are children who calm down when they hear their mother’s voice, and there are those who, on the contrary, are excited by the sounds. Observe throughout the day - what helps your child cope with crying? What methods of consolation are familiar to him? They will also come in handy in the evening,” explains the baby sleep consultant.

You can also gradually change your sleeping conditions. This is what Tatyana Chkhikvishvili recommends: “To begin with, continue sleeping together, but when the child falls asleep, try not to lie next to him, but to sit. When your baby gets used to it, sit a little further away. Then just be in the same room with him. Now try to move the baby to a separate crib and be nearby when the baby falls asleep.” So, gradually your child will learn to fall asleep on his own in his own bed, and not next to you.

A small baby bundle that smells like milk cuddles up to you and snorts next to you - what could be better? But is it so harmless for mother and baby to sleep together? What should young mothers do in order to have a good rest at night, without being afraid to move due to the close presence of the baby? This article provides tips on how to wean a child from sleeping with his mother, you will also find out what pediatricians and psychologists think about this, and young mothers will share their experience in solving similar problems.

If your beloved child falls asleep only when feeling the close proximity of one of the parents, then this is not something out of the ordinary. This state of affairs is easy to explain, since the baby was inseparable from his mother for nine months, he lived in the womb in unison with the beat of the mother’s heart, he was comfortable and warm.

Having been born, he is still connected with his mother, because she is the source of his food and main man, taking care of him, is calm and serene with her.

Donald Woods Winnicott in his work “Little Children and Their Mothers” writes: “ Mental health the individual is laid from the very first days by his mother, who provides what I call “promoting, helping environment"(facilitating environment), in which the process of natural development of the child occurs in accordance with hereditary patterns. The mother - without thinking or knowing - lays the foundations of a mentally healthy personality." And the baby’s sleep next to the person who brought him into the world is one of the steps towards this health.

If a child grows up in a family where they were not taught to sleep with their mother from birth, then most likely they will not encounter such a problem. This decision must be made directly by the parents, after weighing all the positive and negative sides.

If the mother is patient during the period when the baby wakes up at night to eat, then she will not encounter the problem of co-sleeping. Naturally, for a young woman who has just given birth to a baby, it is very difficult to get up several times a night to feed the baby. That's why mothers choose more easy way- sleep with the child.

Pros and cons of co-sleeping

In order to decide whether it is necessary to wean a child from co-sleeping with his parents, first of all, it is worth knowing the positive and negative aspects of this process.

Benefits of co-sleeping

The baby is warm and comfortable, emotional connection, which began in the prenatal period, continues;
It is easier for mother to cope with night feedings, the baby is always under control;
From the maternal warmth of her presence, a child up to three months of age calms down faster and suffers less intestinal colic;
Regular emptying of the breast improves lactation;
Both baby and mother get better sleep.

Risks of sleeping with parents

Risk to the child's life

The first and very serious reason for putting the baby in a separate crib is to eliminate the risk of crushing the baby in his sleep. Such cases have been known since ancient times and are still common today. If a woman falls asleep while breastfeeding, her breasts may accidentally block the baby's breathing. It happens that in a dream a woman simply turns over inaccurately, and it ends tragic consequences. Such risks should be taken into account by young mothers and those who are forced to take sedatives or sleeping pills at night.

Risks of infections and viruses

Sleeping a baby with mom and dad is unhygienic and harmful to the baby’s health: the child automatically receives all the baggage of viruses and infections from the parents.

Lack of a fulfilling sex life for parents

Among the disadvantages, we must remember the dad, who is relegated to the background. A sleeping child between parents can lead to a lack of proper sex life, which can result in disagreements and problems in the relationship between spouses.

Famous children's pediatrician, doctor medical sciences, Evgeniy Olegovich Komarovsky says: “We cannot make a child happy at the cost of his dad’s unhappiness.” This doctor advises mothers who have decided to sleep with their children to listen to the dad's opinion and involve him in raising the child.

How to make co-sleeping safe

If, nevertheless, by mutual decision of the parents, the child sleeps with them, you need to adhere to some advice from doctors.

Children and alcohol do not mix

After reception alcoholic drinks Under no circumstances should you take your child into your bed.

You can't put a child between parents

The sleeping place should be safe and comfortable

Bed linen must be exactly matched to the size of the bed; there should be no blankets or pillows near the baby’s face. There should be no gaps between the bed, mattress and wall. It is important to provide a sleeping place for the baby with the recommended mattress hardness in such cases, otherwise there is a risk of developing scoliosis. The child should have his own blanket; sleeping under a shared blanket is dangerous for the baby’s life. In addition, there is a risk of hypothermia if the baby's blanket falls off due to the parents' fault.

Why sleep separately from your child?

There is a compelling reason for parents to understand why it is necessary to sleep separately from the baby.

The child develops independence

A separate dream, from the first days of life, allows you to develop an independent personality in a little person. The baby develops a concept own territory: his room, bed. Modern means communications, such as a baby monitor, will help the mother hear the baby’s cry and respond to it in a timely manner. As an option, the cradle can be placed in the parent’s bedroom, but the children’s and adult space can be divided into separate zones. If a child is 4 years old, and he continues to sleep in his mother’s bed, then there is a possibility that this will lead the child to the inability in the future to make independent decisions and dependence on his mother even in small things.

If the child is already 4 years old or older, and he still sleeps with his mother, then it’s time to think about it. There may be two reasons: the child has psychological pathologies or you have difficulties in your personal life. In fact, this problem can be solved, but you need to know how to properly organize the weaning process so that it does not cause psychological trauma for the baby.

12 ways to stop your baby from sleeping with his mother

Of course, it would be abnormal in every sense for an over-aged child to stay in the same bed with his mother at night. When to wean and how to wean are questions that concern parents who sleep with their baby.

Until the age of two or three, experts in psychology and pediatrics do not consider co-sleeping an anomaly, but recommend starting the weaning process at the age of 2.

Mom, you need to be patient and prepare for a difficult and lengthy weaning process. It is very important to do this painlessly so as not to traumatize the child’s psyche. If a child is facing important changes in life, then weaning off co-sleeping should be postponed a little, because it may falter psychological condition baby. This change could be the birth of another child, moving to new apartment, hospital or kindergarten.

1. There is no need to immediately put the child to sleep separately.

Under no circumstances should you abruptly wean your child from sleeping with his mother. Start with some kind of barrier between you. It can be a border from a blanket, a soft toy or a pillow.

2. Create conditions for comfortable sleep

If you decide that your baby is ready to sleep in his own crib, create a comfortable conditions. The bed linen should be clean, the crib and mattress should be comfortable. The crib should be a place in which the child wants to sleep, where he will feel good and cozy.

3. Have a holiday move

Children over 2 years old can choose a crib together, bed sheets, toys for sleeping and arrange a festive move to your sleeping place. Let this be an event for the child; he should know that he has become more mature.

Victoria, mother of 3-year-old Ulyana: “We decided to buy our daughter new bed and move her out of ours (she grew up from a child with high sides, and never slept there). They invited Ole to choose it together and did not object when she settled on pink with flowers, although it did not match the interior of the room. In order to somehow fit the bed into the interior, we chose stickers for the closet and shelves, and even re-glued wallpaper on one wall (the renovation was done before the birth of the child, when we did not yet know the gender). My daughter was so carried away by the process that she moved to sleep in the “new” room without any problems.”

4. “Relocation” should begin with sleep during the day.

For a while nap send the baby to his crib. If your baby is breastfed, put him in his crib after he has eaten and fallen asleep. If the child is over 2 years old, then the mother should be nearby and the baby should be in his own crib.

You cannot punish a child by saying that if he does not obey, he will sleep in his own bed.

5. Prepare for an independent night's sleep

Place his favorite toy next to him and read him a bedtime story. It is important that the room is ventilated, a night light is attached to the wall and, if possible, a painting in the form of a favorite cartoon character.

6. Start gradually

If the child reacts very painfully to the “relocation”, suggest making a rearrangement first. Move his crib closer to your bed. If suddenly the baby becomes scared, he will quickly be able to climb over to you. When your child gets used to this arrangement, slowly move his crib away from yours. You need to be consistent and do everything step by step.

Nastya, mother of Ilya, 2.5 years old: “I tried to wean Ilya from sleeping with me from the age of 2. The method of gradual relocation suited us: first I sat next to him on his crib, then on a chair next to the crib, then near the door. This took about 3 months. Then the chair moved under the nursery door with reverse side. Ilyusha fell asleep, and I sat in the corridor. After six months of such “get-togethers,” my son learned to sleep with us and began to fall asleep alone in his room.”

7. Encourage your child to be independent

Use the desire for independence characteristic of a 2-3 year old child in order to “move him away” from his mother. Let the baby choose for himself what to sleep with and on. If he wants his favorite huge car, let him have it, so he will be calmer. Give your child freedom of choice: let him decide what bedding to sleep on. Also let your child choose his own night light.

By teaching your child to be independent, you will help him increase his self-esteem. The child will understand that you consider him an adult. And this will make it easier for the child to accept the “move” from the parent’s bed to his own.

8. Engage influencers

For children, the opinion of authoritative adults (grandparents, older brothers or sisters) is very important. Ask this “influencer” to casually start a conversation about co-sleeping. Be generous and grateful, praise your baby. If a child has been sleeping separately for a week, this may be a reason for little holiday. Give him some kind of medal for courage.

Prepare for the fact that at first your child will often come running to you at night. You need to immediately go back with the child, put him to bed and sit next to him until he falls asleep.

10. Avoid active games and TV

To prevent your child from waking up at night and coming to you, you need to exclude active games and watching TV 3-4 hours before bedtime. Cartoons and programs on TV, as well as games on a tablet, overload a child’s brain with an abundance of information, which prevents him from resting peacefully at night. It is better to take a fragrant bath with foam and your loved ones and feed your baby well.

11. Create a bedtime tradition.

The process of putting a child to bed should become a good tradition, and not a fear for life.

Maintain the sequence of actions: first bathing before bed, then milk and honey, and after all this a short but very important conversation with mom and a bedtime story.

12. Reassure and don’t be lazy when your child calls

All children have a fantasy, so they think that overnight the world will become completely different, and their mother will disappear completely. This is what should motivate you to be supportive of your child and have a close emotional connection with him.

How to wean a baby from co-sleeping with his mother

If you want to train your newborn to sleep separately or one year old child, here the matter is a little more difficult, especially if the child is still breastfed.

A good alternative option is to find a compromise with the baby and allow him to fall asleep in his parents’ bed, and after he “goes to bed”, transfer him to his own bed. This option is ideal for babies who do not throw tantrums in the morning after waking up in their crib.

If you breastfed your baby, when transferring him to your crib, take care that there was no strong drop temperatures To do this, you can warm up the sheet or diaper a little by ironing it or placing it on the radiator in advance.

In order for the weaning process to be as painless as possible, parents need to gain strength and patience, be wise, gentle, but at the same time persistent, and not violate their decision to sleep separately.

Video on the topic

Conditions when a child sleeps in bed with his parents (or mother) almost from birth are now not uncommon, especially if the baby is still breastfed.

But one way or another, the time comes when parents wonder if it’s time for their child to sleep alone with them. Most often this happens when the child begins to eat once at night or does not eat at all.

How to “move” a child into a crib? You can use the same principle, but in relation to falling asleep independently. However, many parents will not be able to dare to do this, since the method is quite harsh.

This article proposes another method: without the baby’s tears and the mother’s nerves.

Step 1. If your child cuddles up to you at night and sleeps in your arms, then first you need to teach him to sleep separately from you, but still in your bed. When the child touches you, you roll away a little, but hug him so that he feels that you are close. When your baby adjusts to sleeping like this, stop hugging him, but hold him by the hand. So, over time, he will learn to sleep without you being nearby.

Step 2. Prepare a crib for the baby. Make the bed with linen that he likes, put a comfortable pillow and a cozy blanket. Tell your child that he is already very big and will soon sleep in this crib. Do not put your child in a crib during the day, so that he does not associate it as a place to play. The crib should only be for sleeping. Make sure that the front wall of the crib can be removed.

Step 3. Buy it for your child soft toy for sleep. This will be a toy that will always stay with him in his crib and that he will not play with during the day. Introduce the child to the toy, tell him that from now on “our” bunny/bear/sheep will protect his sleep. The toy should not be musical or have rustling or ringing elements. The toy should be small so that the child can easily hug or cuddle it.

Step 4. When everything is ready for the baby to sleep, when you are morally determined for success, it’s time to start getting to know the baby more closely with the crib. When it’s time to go to bed, remove the front wall of the crib and place the “cradle” next to your own bed. Sit in the crib yourself, take your child with you and read him a book or tell him a fairy tale. Show the prepared toy, but do not allow the child to take it outside the crib. Explain that this toy lives here and cannot leave the house. The child must understand that the crib does not pose any danger to him. But the first night, let your baby sleep in his own bed.

The next day, also sit with your child in the crib, play, read. Send your child to sleep on the edge of his crib, and lie down closer yourself, but on your own bed. If your child crawls onto your bed at night, let him sleep with you.

Step 5. If you suspect that something is frightening your child at night, resolve this issue in the most drastic way, especially before moving the child’s crib to his separate room. Shadows from clothes hanging on the closet door, the very gaping black inside of the wardrobe, unclear night glare in unwashed windows, darkness in a pile of toys on the floor, etc. Remove all unnecessary items in the room at night, if you are too lazy to wash the windows yourself, order finally, window cleaning in Moscow, but do not instill serious fears in your child, do not force his delicate psyche to cope with the problem on his own. This will come back to haunt not only the children now and much later, but also you in the very near future.

So every day the child will sleep in his crib longer and longer. When he gets used to it and starts sleeping there all night, you can move the crib to its place and return the front wall. Now the child will sleep in it.

Be prepared for the fact that your child will sometimes ask you to come to you at night. Most likely this will happen when something starts to bother him, for example, his teeth. In such cases, take the child with you. If you understand that this is a momentary whim, then hold the child in your arms for a while and put him back in the crib, stroke him on the back, kiss him on the cheek, cover him with a blanket, put a toy by his side, and he will continue to sleep in his crib.

If at some stage the child begins to be very capricious and refuses to sleep in the crib, then do not force him. Wait a while. But don’t forget to show him the toy that lives in the crib. Tell your child that children sleep in their cribs, read fairy tales about cribs, and show pictures. If your child already watches cartoons and has a favorite character, then look for bedding with this character. Tell him that now this hero will sleep with him.

In this method of training to sleep in your crib, the main thing is not to force the child by force or through tears, and also to be confident in your abilities. If you have to take a step back, do not get angry with the child, do not scold him, but just wait a little and take a step forward again.

This method is much longer than leaving the child in the crib with tears and hysterics alone with himself. But our method saves peace of mind for you and your child. He will not think that his mother abandoned him in a difficult moment for him, and you will not be nervous and torment yourself, listening to the cry of a child from the next room.